Saturday, August 20, 2011

Party and A Room Full of Denial

Earlier in the week it was T's sister's birthday.  He actually has four sisters and this sister, let's call her "Heather" is the youngest sister.  She is straight,super cute, funny, outgoing, very friendly and single.  She is also a physician who works with T in his office.

The family threw a birthday party for her and they invited family, business associates and the instructor & students from her Spanish class.  I went with all 4 of my kids.  The older ones were bored at first, but after a while, even they started to have a good time.

There are a couple of things that make tonight noteworthy and a good topic for my blog.  The first is that I was there at all.  Several years ago, even after I had met T, there was no way I would have been invited to an event like this.  His mother would have been VERY uncomfortable about me being there.  Now, I am practically routine.  There was no difference in anyone's behavior that I was there and that is factoring in I brought all 4 of my kids for the first time.  Though we were not overt about it, I think if someone was observant, they could have deduced that T and I were a couple.

I have gone to other parties at his house and the outcome has always been positive.  I have written about it before too, but I still enjoy the normalcy of just being normal and gay.

The other thing that made tonight noteworthy was the presence of 3 other gay men (besides T and I). Each of these men have set off even my unpracticed gaydar with very clear signals, but each of them claims to be straight.  Let's review.

Guy 1:  This guy is an Asian man who is about 6 feet tall.  He was introduced to T's family because his sister (remember Heather?) met him on an online dating site.  While she likes him, she even set off her gaydar (and she is straight).  I got the chance to meet him on several occasions.  He has several stereotypical gay mannerisms  which I know is not necessarily an indicator, but stereotypes don't come from nowhere.  His facebook profile picture is his face next to a huge sunflower.   His mother has asked him several times if he is gay.  He does not understand why people keep asking him that.  Well, it might be because he is in denial.

Guy 2:  This guy is T's CPA.  He is a fairskinned white guy who runs a lot.  Consequently he is is great shape.  He looks good, if very friendly, but like Guy 1, has some mannerisms that are gayish, but not nearly as bad as Guy 1.  He sets of  my gaydar, but there is something else that really lets me know.  He is engaged to a woman who lives 500 miles away.  She was supposed to move here this summer to be with him, but he is not sure he wants her to come.  In fact, when her arrival was pushed back from this summer to early next year, he was relieved.  That's a little strange for a straight guy in love with a woman.  Now remember I told you that Guy 2 is in really good shape.  I have seen pictures of his fiancee on facebook.  She is SMOKING hot.  Any red blooded American straight men would want that hot piece of tail nearby not only so he could be having sex with her, but so he could ensure no one else was raiding his hen house. 

What could be the reason that this young, athletic, straight man prefers to be separated from his young, athletic, and very hot bride to be?  I can think of just one.  DENIAL!!

Guy 3 is Heather's Spanish teacher.  She has been telling me for months now that he is gay.  Until tonight I have not had the chance to meet him.  I don't know much of his story, but by the time this guy got the party, my gaydar was off the frakking charts.

If people want to be in denial, I guess that's their business.  It's not healthy though.  In fact, I was telling someone just today.  The sooner you can be honest with yourself about who you are, the sooner the pain will stop.  No one said it would be easy, especially if you have a long history of denials to others.  But once you get that off your chest, the world opens up in a whole new way.


T said...

I told you they were gay way back, and you were in denial about it. I told you you were gay, and you were in denial about it. I told you I'm ALWAYS right, and you're STILL in denial about it!

T said...

Did you know that the older lady who came with her father has always been single?

Buddy Bear said...

Great advice and a great story! Now that I am highly "gay aware," I see guys that I know or suspect are gay constantly. In the first forty years of my life, that thought would never have crossed my mind.

RB said...

My feeling on this is that other people's sexuality, and how open they want to be about it, is entirely their business. If they don't want to tell the world they're gay, that's their decision.

Most of us have enough issues to worry about in our own lives, and don't need to worry about other people's issues.

Anonymous said...

I agree with RB--Everyone has the right to decide and do what is right for them. Maybe they have to get married to figure it all you--after all you did.....
It is easy for you, now that you have come out, but remember how long you agonized to make this move.
Give them time and space.

jim said...

I agree too. Everyone has to realize who they are in their own way.