Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The Crystal Ball Is Murky

I have said it before, I like when things are predictable, stable and clear.  I know life is not always that way, but for most of mine, things have fallen a mostly predictable pattern.  Before I do anything major I know exactly how it will go, what I need to do, and contingency plans if something goes wrong.

I am trying to look into my crystal ball, but the view is murky.

I still have no job and I only have about 4 weeks of severance left. I have about 30 resumes out, I have had 3 phone interviews and already 2 of them have told me, thanks, but no thanks.

I am enrolled in a local community college to do my pre-work done and I am studying for the GRE so I can get into PA school in the fall of 2013.  Then I will have another 27 months of school before I can work again.  That seems like a really long time and I have no idea how I will support myself for all that time.   T tells me it will be OK, but I feel like I am jumping off a diving board without any idea if there is water in the pool.

I have the love of my life in T.  He loves me, encourages me and keeps me grounded when I get overwhelmed.  I never know when I am going to see him because he is so busy and my schedule is pretty busy for an unemployed guy.  I know he sees me as much as he can.  I also know that it will get better soon.  He has hired some extra help so over the next month or so, his workload will get less.

On another note, on Sunday night as I was leaving K's house, I send T a message asking him if he wanted me to come down and tuck him in.  His reply was to ask me if I wanted me if I wanted to have a sleep over.  I was surprised and immediately accepted.  It was really nice to be with him and not have to worry about driving home late.  I may write more about that night later, but for now all I will say is I had the most amazing night ever.  (wink wink)

Anyway, back to the topic at hand, me whining about uncertainty.  I am not certain about K and AJ.  I am not going to write about the details of their problems, but K told me something disturbing this morning.  She was upset about something that had happened last night.  When I asked her more about it she said, "It was so bad that if the kids were not already sleeping, I would have packed them up and come to your house.  We would have all slept on the floor."  YIKES!!  I am just getting used to being home alone at night and they all might be coming back?

I cannot see in my crystal ball what is next.  I am trying to make the best of the uncertainty and take it one day at time.


Buddy Bear said...

It's really an illusion that any of us has control over what happens to us in life. You seem to be doing a fantastic job in "going with the flow." Just keep it up!

You're starting PA school in two years! That's a very long time from now. I guess it's not possible to start sooner?

It is really unfortunate that K and AJ are having problems. I hope they can work it out. The last thing the kids need is another disruption in their lives. Also, it would be very sad if it turns out that K rebounded into a less-than-ideal relationship.

Anonymous said...

You will be fine. Hard times are everywhere, but I know that when you need money the most, it somehow seems to be there. When you need money least you never have it. You are in my prayers, and I know with all that you have accomplished so far, this will be an easy feat. Good Luck. I am glad that you found T and hope my husband can find his own T.

Anonymous said...

One of the best resources I have used in job hunting is the Five O'Clock Club web site in NYC. They have a free newsletter and some books for sale.

Its been so good that I have been tempted to do an employment group for people in our building. Hope its helpful -- Ron