So the anger continues and around and around I go in my head. My blogger friends tell me to be proud of the courage I have shown, but I feel like a douche.
K is angry I did not jump at the chance to commit to her and the kids when I had the chance. She is pissed I am placing my own happiness above her and the kids and she is pissed that I am reneging on a deal I made before God and witnesses over 16 years ago. She is pissed that it appears I am willing to through everything we built together away to explore the gay side of the fence, with even knowing for certain I will find happiness there.
She is pissed and she has a right to be.
I have said before that I want nothing more than to be straight and have my family back. I would love to recommit myself to her and the kids forever. I really would. It's nice that she will give me that chance even thought she knows I am gay.
How does that address the pain and loneliness I feel sitting on the fence? How does recommitting to my marriage address the frustration of having to hide who I am all the time? Is the peace I MAY find being honest and open about who I am, worth the damage and fallout that will happen here?
What about the fallout to me?
Tuesday Morning Male Beauty - Pt 2
16 hours ago