I am out to my parents and my sister. Out to K and her family. Out to a couple of people at work, who are also gay. Out to T, the blogosphere, and one or two others. That sound like a lot but it's not everyone. The hardest one is I am not out to my kids yet.
I am disrupting my whole life so I can live as a gay man, out in the open. So 2 years ago I jumped out of the closet and now here I stand, locked firmly in the master bathroom. Too scared to walk out the next door. Lately I am starting to think that it's really not my fear of hurting K that is keeping me in the bathroom, but my fear of what my life as a gay man will be. There is a lot that will change forever and that fact that I am not sure what parts will change is more than a little scary.
I signed up for an online dating service I had never heard of before, created a profile and browsed around for a while. In under an hour I had looked through all the profiles for everyone with in 50 miles of my house and deleted the profile I created. I think I was not feeling it and it appears that I was not the only one who never heard of that site. There were not that many people on there, at least not as many as I expected with a good sized city nearby.
Maybe I will check out another tonight. We'll see. Can't stop thinking about T.
2 comments:
Well, at least the bathroom has a shitter; see you continue to make forward progress.
So don't stop thinking about T. Who really knows what lies ahead for you or him......
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