I need her to help me move my head into to a place where I can accept the changes in my life. I need to focus on being a good dad to my kids, be a good friends to K and be true to me.
I need her to help me accept who I am and all the things that go with it. I think I have a handle on who I am. I am gay and that is not going to change.
I need her to help me accept that I made the mistake of my life when I "chose" to be straight back when I was in my teens. I need to accept that that happened and I married a woman. I cannot change that fact, I can only move on from here. I hear myself say that (or type that) but I cannot seem to bring myself to accept it and forgive myself.
Because I cannot move on, it seems no one else can move on either.
4 comments:
I think it's good that you are going back to talk to her again. Or, as you say, to listen to her.
Sometimes it takes a few (dozen) times to hear the messages that you need. That's OK. You don't get thrown out of the game because of that.
Good luck with the therapy. I hope it helps. You are in my thoughts, Jim.
At least you know what you need from her. That's a very good start...
Therapy is great, just realize you're dealing with someone with their own business that wants you a a customer (forever if they can get away with it). So stick with it only as long as you see benefits.
I detect 'guilt' in your writings and you need help with that. You're not guilty of anything. I'm not sure you did or didn't make a choice so much as go along with the flow of society. No need to blame yourself. It is what it is.
As usual Chris cuts right to the chase..........and I agree with him.
Jim just keep moving forward on this journey.
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