Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Having Cards on the Table

With all the shit going on in my life (can I say "shit" in a blog?) there is one part that is good. For the most part, I have all my cards on the table and there is an amazing freedom in that. A relief.

I am not out to everyone in the real world, but I am in a place where I am ready for everyone to know. The people who really matter in my life know who I am. Gone are the days where I had to worry about what they will think if they find out. They know who I am and love me anyway. What a relief.

While I worry how my kids will react, it really is more about the crap they will get from others and the pain involved with the divorce. I think, in the end, the kids will accept me as I am.

I am not living the life I am supposed to, but I am on the way there. I have made a lot of progress over the past year. A lot more since I started this blog. I don't know if it is the act of sitting down to write most every day, those commends and messages I have received or some combination of the two that has propelled me forward.

When I started this I resolved to post about every other day, not so anyone will have something to read, but so I will force myself to organize at least one thought every time. I know that sometimes I write about the same thing, usually from a slightly different perspective, but it's the act of writing it out helps a lot. That fact that there a couple of people who ready what I right is icing on the cake. I'm really glad there are some who follow me and I am grateful for the support they have shown me.


Bear Me Out said...

She hurts and is mad. That is real. You can't fix it; that is real, too. And it hurts like HELL! Oh, yes! I know it, too. And I know that you can both survive it. Only you can control your part of it.

Thanksgiving(and all the pretending) will be tough! But you can do it. Manage your stress. Get away from them all from time to time. Go for a walk.

Your kids will struggle. But they will love you. They will be confused; but they will work through it (some of it, anyway). They will come to know that living the Truth is what you do in life.

You'll show them the way.

RB said...

Blogging is amazingly therapeutic.

manxxman said...

Your writing is wonderful. And when you go back over a subject, it's always with a new view....keep it up.

And I agree with Joe, go for those walks during Thanksgiving.....and give thanks.