Saturday, November 28, 2009

Returning to "Normal"

Thanksgiving is over. My in-laws are on their way home and things are returning to normal around here, or at least as normal as things get around here.

Over the past few days there have been some developments.

K bought a horse. We have been looking for one for a while. Ideally we are hoping to sell our house and move to a small farm, but in the mean time she bought a horse. She really needed something that she can have for herself. It will force her to take "me" time and I think in the long run it will make her happier. She really does not take time for herself and I think that is why she is under such stress all the time.

There is also another benefit for me. All the time she spends at the barn is recreational time for her. I have almost none and I think it will be easier for me to get away and do things on my own.


We had a nice visit with my in-laws. I don't think that has sever happened before. They are always nice to me. My problem with them has always been that I don't like they treat K. K gets very stressed when they get together, which in turn makes life difficult for me. That did not happen this time. I don't really know why, but it didn't. Maybe I don't care why.


K and I together have had a good week. We did not really discuss our situation much, but we did a lot of stuff together and a lot of the time I was able to forget that we are not the happy, perfect family that people see. Her parents were able to watch the kids and K and I even went out at midnight on Thursday to stand in line in the cold for the very best Black Friday deals. We hung out like best friends and it was really nice.

There was only one time I felt really lonely... it was the time between Thanksgiving dinner and desert. K and her mom did most of the cooking, so it seemed fair that I would clean up. While I was working, K, her parents and the kids started playing the Wii and they were all having a good time. I was alone in the kitchen. Now, my house has an open floor plan and there is not much separation between the kitchen and the rest of house so it is not like I was really alone, but I felt that way. I know it was probably irrational. I had a feeling that the family was all together and having a good time without me, knowing that sooner or later I will separated from them.


I have not seen T this weekend. We exchanged about 200 text messages on Thanksgiving. He was with his family and I was with mine. I wondered what it would be like if/when we are able to spend holiday together. I know my holidays will be mostly devoted to my kids, but I thought a lot about him being able to be with me.


All that bring me to today. I am feeling down today.

I sent T a note to see if he wanted to get together tonight. He can't because he already promised to take his nieces and nephews to the movies tonight. Then he invited me along. I was surprised he did that. One of this sisters-in-law will be there whom I have not met yet. I doubt she know that we (T and I) are a couple. I told him I would see if I could make it.

As I thought about it, I figured it would be very awkward and I did not much like hiding our relationship from his family. He called me when he was finished with work and I told him I could not go. I told him I thought it would be awkward, plus there were others things I had to do. He got upset with me, "If you can't come, just say that." he said. I'm not sure he understood my point, but oh well.

Now I am lonely, depressed and my boyfriend is mad at me.


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