I saw T last night. We spent a few hours together. We spent almost all of the time just lying together . He works on Saturday so he was a little tired. He fell asleep in my arms. Lightly snoring with this head on my chest. It has been a long time since anyone has slept in my arms. I did not sleep, but laid there listening to him breathe and stroking his hair. I remember thinking how comfortable I felt with him. I there is a part of me that wished I had that every night.
While I have always loved K, many times when we were together, I felt awkward, often unsure if I was doing the right things. I suppose that should have been a clue years ago. Damn.
Of course, we could not spend the whole night together and I had to go home. Part of me was filled and happy, while another part was sad I had to leave him. And there will always be part of me that feels guilty for having someone to love me like that, while K is struggling.