Sunday, November 29, 2009

43 years

Everyone, this is my mom and dad. Mom and dad, this is everyone.

On Thanksgiving, my parents had their 43rd wedding anniversary. In this day and age it is a long time to be together. Over the years, like all couples, there are ups and downs, but 43 years later they are still together.


This was something I had always wanted for myself. I like stability and I like things that last. If it was not for the gay thing, I know that K and I would be together forever. I know she always thought that too and it was important to her.

I alway thought it was cool that I could tell people I have been married 16 years (many of them happy). Soon I won't be able to do that anymore. I will just be another divorced guy who could not make his marriage work.

In the long run, I would really like to meet a man that I can have a life long partnership with. I was the stability of knowing that the man I love will be there for me to come home to every night. We can share the ups and downs of life together, at each other's side. When I find the one I am looking for (and it might well be T) he will be the only one I want. I am not interested in a open relationship. I am not interested in "playing together". I am interested in coming home from work to the man I love, making dinner together while discussing the events of the day. Then snuggling on the couch to watch TV, before going to bed. I want my partner to be with me, as much as possible, when I do things with my family (and kids, and even K) and I want to do things with his. I would like to be able to get together with other couples, gay and straight, and have dinner, play cards, or whatever.

For now I am stuck, knowing that I cannot stay on the path I am on, visualizing where I am going, but I unable to tell which path will get me there.


Bear Me Out said...

I was married 22 years and still cry about it. I wanted all those wonderful things, and I wanted to be straight. It isn't because I didn't try. It's because I cannot be who I am not.

It's about being real. And that's more important.

manxxman said...

You can have all those things you desire in a gay relationship. But this time it will be much more real.