Friday, November 13, 2009

Good Day, Bad Day, Looking for the rainbow.

There are good days and there are bad day.

Maybe it is all my perception. Maybe she is angry all the time and I don't always see it. Maybe when she hides is, I assume progress is being made. Maybe I am stupid.

Maybe I am so desperate for everything to work out OK, that I am blind to the idea that it may not work out OK. It is very hard for me to think that way, but I am making some progress.

Not long ago, when K would display her anger and hurt, I would go over in my mind that maybe, just maybe I could go back into the closet and once again refuse to be gay. I don't feel that way anymore. I am gay, I will keep being gay and no matter how much I love her and want her to be happy, I cannot change who I am. I cannot stop being gay.

I have to accept that there will be ups and downs on this journey as I look for the rainbow.


manxxman said...

Hugh progress, such hugh progress. And K will be okay in time also.

RB said...

That's can't change who you are. Accept it and make it work.