Friday, January 28, 2011

2 Schools of Thought

Over the past few days I have been thinking about talking to the kids about me being gay. I talked to some people about it and there are basically 2 schools of thought.

I talked to my boss at work about it.  He is gay and has been with his partner for almost 26 years.  Last fall they went to Massachusetts to get married.  

My boss got divorced from his wife when his daughter was 3.  He and his partner had been together for 10 years before his daughter finally asked him why he was always hanging out with "uncle _____"  His advice was that I should wait until my kids come to me and ask. 

The plus side of that, is the kids will be ready to hear the truth.  On the other hand, if there is something going on the family that no one it talking about, they may think it is not OK to ask.  Or they may figure it all out, but they will think that me being gay is something they should be ashamed of.

The other school of thought is that I should tell them now.  I should get in front of it, so they know they are going to be OK .  So they know I am OK and they know their mothers is OK.  

I think I am leaning toward getting out in front of it.  I know that K is thinking about that too.


Vương Tử Trực said...

How old are your kids? I think Alan is a good example for you.

Alan said...

Jim, I'm sure your older kids must have wondered about your sexuality and T's sexuality when they see you together, especially if either of you has the slightest whiff of femininity about you. Kids are pretty savvy these days. How could they not be aware of 'gayness'; we're bombarded with it these days on TV shows, magazines, popular songs, etc. I'm sure they can handle the truth... if you don't tell them, it might just become the "white elephant" in the room which everyone thinks is some shameful, taboo topic.

I'm not sure about telling your younger ones. That might be all right too, but that's something only you and your wife can decide, knowing the personalities involved.

It was my #1 priority to tell my kids because now they really will understand why our family is breaking up, why my wife is so angry and unhappy etc. I expect (or hope) that by knowing the truth, they can move forward easier.

This is just my opinion and only you and your wife can decide what is best for your kids, knowing their personalities and the community in which you live. I'm wishing the best for your family!