I have mentioned before that I have not come out to my kids yet. It is really the last thing that I need to do to complete my coming out. I have committed to myself to get this done by the end of 2011.
A couple of times over the past 6 months have I mentioned to K that we should work out a plan for how to tell the kids everything. Each time I did, she put me off. She was not ready for that just yet.
Now something has changed.
K called me this after-noon as she was heading back to work. Apparently she had a conversations with the oldest son yesterday that concerned her.
When she mentioned to him that AJ and his daughter was coming to the house he got quiet. When K finally got his to talk, he asked a series of questions.
The details are not important, but my son basically asked these questions:
- What wrong with K? (Why can't she stay married to me?) Answer: There is nothing wrong with mom.
- What is wrong with Dad? (Same question) Answer: There is nothing wrong with dad.
- You don't fight, do you still care for each other? Answer: Yes we do.
- Why can't you stay married? Answer: Sometimes things happen and grown ups can't stay married.
Well, he did not really like that last answer but did not ask any more questions.
K is reading some things into his questions. Some were expected and some were disturbing.
Because my usually talkative son got quiet when she mentioned AJ, K is worried that son thinks that K is sneaking around on me with him. That he might think she is whoring around, which of course is not the case. She want us to explain to them, at least the older 2 kids, why we are getting a divorce. Why it is OK that K is hanging out with AJ and ultimately the nature of my relationship with T.
So over the next couple of days, or weeks, we will figure out how to tell them the truth. She also want to make sure we do it such a way so they don't feel like we have lied to them or that I did anything to K on purpose. We need them to feel sure that they will be OK. That we will still be a family, even though our family may take on a different look. It will be important that they continue to feel loved.
Even though it is something that I know I need to do, I am a little stressed about about it. This HAS to go right, and it has to go right the first time.
I'll keep you posted, but for now, I'm going to bed.