Saturday, January 8, 2011

Path I Follow

K and I are starting to talk about doing the paperwork for our divorce.   She wants to apply to a local private college that we cannot afford for her to attend.  However, if she were a single mom of 4 kids making only what she earns at the church, she should be able to get all kinds of financial aid.

 I'm not sure why, but I am a little stressed out about it.   I have know for some time this was coming, but I guess I just forgot about it.

I am not in love with her and I know that staying married is not right for either of us.  Besides she has fallen in deep for AJ and they are talking about a long term future.  His daughter is talking about them getting married, but it is too soon for either of them.  AJ still has issues to resolve regarding his late wife before he will be ready. 

I know that we will have a peaceful divorce.  I cannot imaging us fighting about much.  For example, until she is finished with school, I cannot see that we will handle our money any differently than we do now. Once she is finished with school, she will not need my money since we will be making roughly the same.  Of course, we will both pitch in for the kids.  

 Besides, if there is something that she wants and I am not sure I want to give it to her, all she has to do is give me her pouty face, and I will cave.  (I hope she does not teach that to T).

Anyway, I guess this is the final chapter of the marriage.  While I am reasonably sure this will simply be a middle chapter for our relationship, once the marriage is dissolved, she really could leave and never return.  I don't think that is likely, but it could happen and that makes me a little nervous.

Maybe it is a reminder of the failure of my marriage.  It is a reminder of the hurt we went through over the past 2 years.  I guess it is another change and I really don't like change, even though I know it will be OK.


T said...

Me pouting? NEVER...Grrr...Asians don't pout. There's a study done, and it showed that only one percent of Asians pout. However, 99% of the gay ones do...except me, of course.
Stop pouting!...You! Jim!

Biki said...

Ahh, what is it about us humans that both desire change and hate it? The changing face of the future has to be one of the scariest things ever. I too fear and worry about the unknown looking down on me from the future. Just keep moving forward, it will be ok, or at least thats what i keep telling myself!

Anonymous said...

A divorce is an adversarial process. I was truly amazed at the $45,000 I had to pay out to a woman with a PhD plus I took the kids.

I just got the bill finished in December, met my T and life is good. But it was a valley of the soul during the process. Prayers for all concerned.

Michael-in-Norfolk said...

I wish you luck and hope the divorce is civil. Mine certainly was not and the incivilty damaged all of us. Hope and pray that your wife doesn't get a snake of an attorney who will turn things into a nightmare.

Uncutplus said...

My divorce was NOT adversarial. We have now been divorced almost 20 years after over 25 years of marriage. We have both had our children and grandson at heart and still communicate regularly. In fact, she called me tonight.

Our divorce was not over my being gay, but rather our interests in life had diverged. I am here to tell you that a divorce can be not only civil, but civilized.

We agreed at the outset to evenly divide our property and assets, and never fought over any of it. It was indeed a "no-fault" divorce.