Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Another Transition Point

This morning I was in the hospital.  I had scheduled some minor surgery and today was the day.  (Yes, I am fine, thanks for asking.)

With four kids and K being full of defective parts, I have seen my fair share of the inside of hospitals.  Usually I am the caretaker, but the caretakee.   K has had a whole bunch of surgeries in the time I have known her, and that is on top of the two C-sections that she has with the younger kids.  

The last time I had to go under general anesthesia was when I was 19 and had my wisdom teeth pulled, so going into the hospital was very stressful.  When I get stressed, especially when I get nervous, I make jokes in an effort to calm my nerves.  K was trying hard to support me and she was being silly too.  As I was putting on my paper pajamas and waiting around for them to get started, we were actually having a good time.

While it was nice that she was there and I know that she still loves and cares for me, there was still someone missing.  I really wished that T was there with me.   He was at work.  I knew when I scheduled the surgery that he would not be able to be there.  But it did not become apparent how I felt until I woke up in the recovery room.  When I was starting to wake up, but before they brought K in from the waiting room, I was looking around in my hazy sleepiness.  I was looking, not for K, but for T.  I was hoping to find him there to take care of me, but he was not there.

I cannot say I was disappointed to see K when she appeared, it was good to see her too, but I find my heart is more and more longing for T presence.  I guess that is just another sign post on my journey away from K and toward T.

I spent most of the day today, sleeping.  Tomorrow, I will spend one more day home and then I will be back at work for Thursday.

1 comment:

Biki said...

I hope you get well soon! I'm hoping that soon you and T can be together, actually living in the same home.