This morning I was in the hospital. I had scheduled some minor surgery and today was the day. (Yes, I am fine, thanks for asking.)
With four kids and K being full of defective parts, I have seen my fair share of the inside of hospitals. Usually I am the caretaker, but the caretakee. K has had a whole bunch of surgeries in the time I have known her, and that is on top of the two C-sections that she has with the younger kids.
The last time I had to go under general anesthesia was when I was 19 and had my wisdom teeth pulled, so going into the hospital was very stressful. When I get stressed, especially when I get nervous, I make jokes in an effort to calm my nerves. K was trying hard to support me and she was being silly too. As I was putting on my paper pajamas and waiting around for them to get started, we were actually having a good time.
While it was nice that she was there and I know that she still loves and cares for me, there was still someone missing. I really wished that T was there with me. He was at work. I knew when I scheduled the surgery that he would not be able to be there. But it did not become apparent how I felt until I woke up in the recovery room. When I was starting to wake up, but before they brought K in from the waiting room, I was looking around in my hazy sleepiness. I was looking, not for K, but for T. I was hoping to find him there to take care of me, but he was not there.
I cannot say I was disappointed to see K when she appeared, it was good to see her too, but I find my heart is more and more longing for T presence. I guess that is just another sign post on my journey away from K and toward T.
I spent most of the day today, sleeping. Tomorrow, I will spend one more day home and then I will be back at work for Thursday.
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