Saturday, March 12, 2011


One of the things I have learned in my life is that perspective is important.  Perspective is not something you can learn.  You are not born with it.  You develop it over time.  It comes from experiences.   Everyone develops their own perspectives, and a wise man can see through the perspectives of others.

Sometimes, you can get stuck in your own perspectives.  It is almost like you can have blinders on.  

In my last post I was theorizing my sleeping problem might stem from my inability to be with T as much as I want.  That it will be a long time before I will be able to have him as a real partner, if ever.  I was thinking maybe I was feeling so much longing, it was impacting my sleeping.  I am not sure that is really my problem.  After all, this is not a new development.  I have know this about my relationship with T from the beginning.

I went to see T tonight, who lives an hour away from me.  It's a long way.  If he was closer, I could see him more often, right?  

The funny thing about perspective is that no one can teach you perspective, but sometimes someone can give you some.  Tonight I got that from a friend of mine.  I have been talking to "Guy" from "Is there a way out for a So Cal Guy?" and I spoke to him on my way home from T's tonight.  We talked about his issues and I shared my experiences and perspectives.  Then he pointed out 2 things to me.

He had an "encounter" with another man (he talked about it in February).  He as developed a close, albeit long distance friendship with this guy.  They live about 1800 miles apart.

He told me about another guy, he calls "Number 1".  Number 1 is a gay man who works in "Guy's" office.  Number 1 has had a hard time finding solid connections with the gay men in the city where they live.  He has, however, found love with a man he met online, but lives in central Asia (5000 miles away).  They have spent several weeks together on vacations, but other than that, they have a Skype only relationship.

As I was thinking about it, I am really pretty lucky.  I have not only found a really great guy who loves me, but he ONLY lives an hour away and I get to see him in person about twice a week.

It's all a question of perspective.


T said...

...Plus, T is very handsome, willing to share his garden work with you, willing to let you clean his bird cages...he'll even let you sod the grass in his garden this spring!

And, if you stop worrying too much about your onion crop, you'll have more time to spend with me!


SC Guy said...

Thanks for the beautiful post. While I am glad I am not the guy with the 5000 mile relationship, 1800 miles is still a long way. We all have our own circumstances and challenges. When it comes to distances I would gladly trade you...and even that is challenging I know!

Anonymous said...

I was talking this over with my T. And he wondered why you both don't move to some place 30 minutes from each current location in the middle?

Of course I live in NYC where people routinely take the subway for 30 minutes to work.