One of the things I have learned in my life is that perspective is important. Perspective is not something you can learn. You are not born with it. You develop it over time. It comes from experiences. Everyone develops their own perspectives, and a wise man can see through the perspectives of others.
Sometimes, you can get stuck in your own perspectives. It is almost like you can have blinders on.
In my last post I was theorizing my sleeping problem might stem from my inability to be with T as much as I want. That it will be a long time before I will be able to have him as a real partner, if ever. I was thinking maybe I was feeling so much longing, it was impacting my sleeping. I am not sure that is really my problem. After all, this is not a new development. I have know this about my relationship with T from the beginning.
I went to see T tonight, who lives an hour away from me. It's a long way. If he was closer, I could see him more often, right?
The funny thing about perspective is that no one can teach you perspective, but sometimes someone can give you some. Tonight I got that from a friend of mine. I have been talking to "Guy" from "Is there a way out for a So Cal Guy?" and I spoke to him on my way home from T's tonight. We talked about his issues and I shared my experiences and perspectives. Then he pointed out 2 things to me.
He had an "encounter" with another man (he talked about it in February). He as developed a close, albeit long distance friendship with this guy. They live about 1800 miles apart.
He told me about another guy, he calls "Number 1". Number 1 is a gay man who works in "Guy's" office. Number 1 has had a hard time finding solid connections with the gay men in the city where they live. He has, however, found love with a man he met online, but lives in central Asia (5000 miles away). They have spent several weeks together on vacations, but other than that, they have a Skype only relationship.
As I was thinking about it, I am really pretty lucky. I have not only found a really great guy who loves me, but he ONLY lives an hour away and I get to see him in person about twice a week.
I am gay man in his 40's who was married for 18 years to a straight woman, who is still my very best friend. We have 4 children together. She is now remarried and we still want to be supportive of each other and make a stable family for our kids.
Cast of Characters
Jim: That's me
K: The wonderful woman I married in 1993. We divorced in November 2011, and she is still my best friend.
T: My ex-boyfriend. We were together from 2008 to 2013. He is still an important person in my life.
AJ: K's new husband. They got married December 2011.
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