Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Holy Crap!! What Did I Just Do??

I have written before about this gay event that happens about once a month.   The last time I was resolved to go to one of these things, I chickened out.   I found out this yesterday there is another of them tomorrow (Thursday).  I was thinking about going but I was not sure, since my last experience did not go very well.  But I also know that I have do put myself out there, since I am not going to meet very many people in my kitchen.

I was talking to T on Tuesday and I reminded him that last time he said he would go with me to the next one of these events.  He agreed.  I was so excited not to have to go by myself.

My boss is gay.  He recently traveled to Massachusetts and got married to his partner of 25 years. He knows I am gay.  There is a woman I work with who also knows I am gay.  She is a lesbian who has been with her partner for 16 years.  While a lot of people at work know I am getting divorced, no one outside of these two, know that I am gay.  This includes a bunch of others that I know to be gay, who will probably be at this event.

So anyway, I told my boss and the lesbian that T was going to come to this event with me.  They have not met him, but I have talked about to him a lot.  I thought it would be cool for them to meet him.

Just to today.  I was thinking about this event tomorrow.  I was happy that T will meet me.  I will meet him and then we will go to the pub together.  Then it hit me.

After this event, I will be out at work.  

There are several people I work with who go to these events.  Some are gay and some are not.  If I go alone, people may assume that I am just there to hang out with fun people.  If I show up there with a man, that will send another message. (And by T's description, being there with an Asian guy, will telegraph to everyone that I am queer as a 3 dollar bill.

I am not really worried about something bad happening.  Anyone who would see me there would be gay friendly.  The company I work for is basically gay friendly too, so there is not really any risk there.  But I did not even think when I made the plan, that I would be taking the step of effectively coming out at work.


Biki said...

Yes, you will forever be out. It doesnt really matter that the company is gay friendly or not, this is a huge, giant step. Feeling fear is quite normal. If you change your mind, I believe that your boss and lesbian would understand. Yes, i know that T will understand also. There isnt any race, do this at your own speed, and only when you feel the benefits outweigh the negatives.

Anonymous said...

you're lucky! u work in a gay friendly company and ur boss is gay.I believe they will understand you, In contrary, all of my colleagues seem to be perfectly straight and my co. is not very gay friendly.