Sunday, January 1, 2012

Alone, But Not. Together, But Not

Tomorrow T is taking the day off for the New Year's Holiday.  He office has been closed since he left on Friday.  He is usually open on Saturday.  While his office was closed this weekend, he was not off.  He has a lot of back office type paperwork he needs to get done.  He made a lot of progress, but he is not finished.  Tomorrow, he is coming to see me.  He is leaving his work behind and he is coming to focus his attention on me and us.  

I am happy beyond words he is coming.  I am happy every time I see him, but I especially like it when he comes here.  Since I am living here alone, we get a lot of privacy and we can really get... close.  :-)

There is a lot of time that I am alone.  I spent a lot of the day with the kids today.  This afternoon, my two younger kids were here with me.  The older ones could not be torn away from their x-box.    So for most of the day I was not alone.  The kids were in bed early today, because school starts tomorrow for them.  I was back at my house before 9:00 tonight which is quite early for me.  It is now almost midnight and I have been home alone for 3 hours.  I don't like it.

At the same time, I have something that a lot of gay men would kill for.  I have a man who loves me unconditionally and I love him too.  So in that regard I am not alone.  But when I climb into my cold bed by myself each night, I am alone.

I know it sounds like I am complaining, but I'm not.  It's just that I have been reflecting on 2011 and my plans for 2012 and this is on my mind.  

On another note, I am finally going to get off my ass and get back into better shape.  Several years ago I lost 50 pounds and as of this morning I have put all that weight back on.  I am going to get serious about eating less, at lot less, and spending more time on my treadmill.  Today was my first day and I did really, avoiding may temptations.  I will keep you posted on my progress.


T said...

I met you when you lost those 50 lbs. I love you more, today, regardless of your weight gain. However, I'm glad you are focusing on your health, again. You can do it.

Biki said...

Isn't it better to have T at all, than to not have him? Yes, the best case would be to live together, but as that doesnt seem to be an option at this point in time, enjoy what you do have. Not everyone is as lucky as you are to be loved, and you're loved for who you are. Not what you do for a living, or drive, or your s pack. No, T loves you, warts and all. Revel in it my dear, revel in it. You have more than you know.

Buddy Bear said...

With all the stress you've been under over the past couple of years, no wonder you've gained a bit of weight. Congratulations on your fitness goals!