Friday, January 20, 2012

Sleep? Where Are You?

It's almost 3:00am and I am not sleeping.  I am not sure why exactly, but I have been under a lot of stress.

When K feels stress, everyone knows about it.  She is irritable and generally not fun to be around.  When I get stressed I generally do one of 3 things.  I panic and make rash decisions that I will regret later.  I overuse my sense of humor in a self deprecating way. Or, I ignore it and hide it from those around me.  Many times I use a combination of these things, depending on who I am with.

Ever since I lost my job back in September, I have be stressed out about it.  I have written about it here before. I try no to burden others with that stress, especially my kids. It's not their problem and I don't want to make it their problem.  I just want them to be kids.  I don't bother K with it much, because she has her own problems.  She is also one of those people who thinks her problems are much bigger and more important than everyone else's.

I'm afraid T get's the brunt of my whining.  He listens politely and sometimes offers advice.  The truth is, there is not much he can do for me except listen anyway.   

I had a really good interview lined up with a good company.  It was for this afternoon.  Yesterday they called to cancel it.  Not postpone.  Cancel.  They hired someone internally.  They told me I was the "top  external candidate", like that was supposed to make me feel better.  At the end of the day, I am still unemployed and someone else isn't.  Good for them, shit for me.  They said there might be something else being posted in the next couple of weeks and I should definitely apply for it.  Whatever.

Then I found that the unemployment program I thought was going to carry me for the next 2 years while I am in school, is not.  For reason's I am not going to go into, I am probably not eligible.   I'm going to apply anyway, but I think my odds are slim.

So, is it any wonder I am stressed out?  On top of that, K and AJ are leaving in 2 weeks for their honeymoon cruise.  Guess who gets to watch the kids?  Mine and AJ's.  Yup, me.

I wish I was going on my honeymoon cruise.

Maybe I can go to sleep and dream about that.


T said...

I love you, and you can whine to me all you need to.

TwoLives said...

Wow. I'm really sorry about the job. And the unemployment insurance.

Watching the kids for two weeks alone will not be all fun and games, however, having to take care of them might be a good distraction.

Another bit of good news is that you have T. Imagine if you were alone, or, if you were still with K. If she doesn't handle stress well, I can only imagine how she'd feel about an unemployed husband.

I really think you're seeing the worst of it. Be aggressive about applying for jobs - you're due to catch a break.

RB said...

Watching all the kids for two weeks is a small price to pay.

Be happy for K. Believe me, her soft landing was the best thing that could have happened to you.

If she didn't get a soft landing then you'd have REAL problems right now.

It's interesting that AJ is letting you watch his kids too.