I am very stressed out these days. I worry about money. I have not been a student in a long time so going back to school stresses me out, especially since it is critical I get really good grades. I worry about how I will support myself if I cannot get a job. I worry about my health or a car accident since I am currently have no health insurance. I am stressed about having to rely on roommates to pay my mortgage. Being lonely stresses me out, when I cannot see T as much as I would like.
I just have a lot of stress and there are times when I just cannot take it anymore.
Because the classes I am taking are all online, and I have never taken an online class before, I attended an in-person orientation session at school. The school is close to T's office so I planed to meet him there when I was done and so we could spend the evening together.
After the (very boring) session, I got over to T's office, about 15 minutes. I could see he still had patients to see, so I stayed in my car, listening to NPR and surfing the web on my BlackBerry. I was out there for more than an hour, but I really didn't mind. He is worth waiting for and the quiet time helped lower my blood pressure.
When we was finally done, we went to his house where I had dinner with his family. Then we went up to his room. He brings home work so I sat with him while he did the stuff that was critical for tomorrow. While he was working (sitting cross legged on his bed) I put my head on his lap and closed my eyes. We talked some. He did some work. We talked some more. I was in my happy place, right there in his lap.
After a while he put his work aside and he laid back on the bed. I laid my head on his chest. He played with the diamond stud in my left ear (he has never done that before and it was an unusual feeling, that I liked a lot) while watching TV. With my head on this chest, I could hear his heart beat. It was loud, but soothing. I know that I drifted to sleep for a short time.
I could not help it. In that moment, I was so at ease. I was so calm. All of my stress had melted away into the sound of his heart. It was just like magic.
I am gay man in his 40's who was married for 18 years to a straight woman, who is still my very best friend. We have 4 children together. She is now remarried and we still want to be supportive of each other and make a stable family for our kids.
Cast of Characters
Jim: That's me
K: The wonderful woman I married in 1993. We divorced in November 2011, and she is still my best friend.
T: My ex-boyfriend. We were together from 2008 to 2013. He is still an important person in my life.
AJ: K's new husband. They got married December 2011.
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