Peaceful Easy Feeling

I am very stressed out these days.  I worry about money.  I have not been a student in a long time so going back to school stresses me out, especially since it is critical I get really good grades.  I worry about how I will support myself if I cannot get a job.  I worry about my health or a car accident since I am currently have no health insurance.  I am stressed about having to rely on roommates to pay my mortgage.  Being lonely stresses me out, when I cannot see T as much as I would like.  


I just have a lot of stress and there are times when I just cannot take it anymore.


Because the classes I am taking are all online, and I have never taken an online class before, I attended an in-person orientation session at school.  The school is close to T's office so I planed to meet him there when I was done and so we could spend the evening together.  


After the (very boring) session, I got over to T's office, about 15 minutes.  I could see he still had patients to see, so I stayed in my car, listening to NPR and surfing the web on my BlackBerry.  I was out there for more than an hour, but I really didn't mind.  He is worth waiting for and the quiet time helped lower my blood pressure.


When we was finally done, we went to his house where I had dinner with his family.  Then we went up to his room.  He brings home work so I sat with him while he did the stuff that was critical for tomorrow.  While he was working (sitting cross legged on his bed) I put my head on his lap and closed my eyes.  We talked some.  He did some work.  We talked some more.  I was in my happy place, right there in his lap.


After a while he put his work aside and he laid back on the bed.  I laid my head on his chest.  He played with the diamond stud in my left ear (he has never done that before and it was an unusual feeling, that I liked a lot) while watching TV.   With my head on this chest, I could hear his heart beat.  It was loud, but soothing.  I know that I drifted to sleep for a short time.  


I could not help it.  In that moment, I was so at ease.  I was so calm.  All of my stress had melted away into the sound of his heart.  It was just like magic.