The answer, of course, is both. It's actually more than that, I lied to everyone I have come into contact with over the past 25 years. The fact that I did it with good intentions is beside the point. I still lied.
K told me today that she cannot imagine her life without me. In fact, I cannot imagine my life without her either. The problem, I know in my heart that my life is wrong now. As much as I want to be the man she needs me to me, that I promised to be, I am not that man. I'm gay.
It started as a teen when I refused to be gay. On that day I started the lie. From that moment forward I lied to everyone. My friends, my family, my wife, and most of all myself. For all these years I created a reality for myself (and everyone else) that I was something I wanted to be, but something I wasn't
Now I am in a place where K (and by extension the kids) were subjected to that lie and now they are going to pay the price. I am heartbroken about that.