Sunday, June 27, 2010


T and I had a misunderstand yesterday that ruined a near perfect day.

My daughter's birthday party was yesterday afternoon (see the cake K made?  Cool, huh?).  T came after we was done with work.  I did not need him to bring anything, but not only did he bring a present for my daughter, he brought a small cylinder of helium and balloons.  I mean really, for a bunch of 6 & 7 year old kids (mostly girls) what is more fun than horses and helium filled balloons.  

T has not seen my kids in probably 9 months and I think it was incredibility thoughtful.  The kids were all glad to see him.  Even K gave him a welcoming hug.  We had a good party and when it was over, we when back to my house, another place he has not been in a long time.  (In fairness he did not really feel welcome before.)

We had dinner.  K made burgers.  I steamed some corn on the cob from the local farmer's market.  I was really nice and it felt very comfortable.

Then T and I had our misunderstanding.  I am not going to get into it specifics.  He left to go home shortly after saying things were OK, but I could tell they weren't.

When things go wrong, I have a need to fix it. I have a need to talk it out and, if possible, reach an understanding or solution as soon as possible.  I am a strong believer in not going to bed angry or hurt, if at all possible.

I don't know how T feels about that.  I don't know his preferred method for dealing with conflict.  That is something I will have to ask him one day.  Last night he left.  In fairness, my kids were all over the place, so it was not like we could have talked it out even if we wanted to.

So he left.  I am alone.  He is alone.  We both feel crappy.

If we were together, as in living together, it would have been much easier.  We would have gone up to our room and talked about it.  We would have been able to express our feelings.  Feelings about the event that was causing difficulty.  Feelings about each other. Feelings for each other.  We would be able to talk to each other, see each other's body language and facial expressions.  The best part, once it was all worked out, we could have had some great make up sex. (wink, wink.  nudge, nudge.  say no more...)

Instead we both went to bed feeling bad and alone.

Now this misunderstanding we had was not the end of the world.  I am sure we will have it quickly resolved and any bad feelings will fade away like a puddle evaporating on a hot summer day.  We will learn how to deal with situations like over time.


Bear Me Out said...

Hang in. Sometimes space and time are needed, but you know that. AND, try to understand, not fix.

Pardon the advice.

manxxman said...

Everything doesn't have to work out "perfectly"......the world will continue to spin......