I would very much like to talk with her, privately, about her situation. I am not suggesting I have all (or any) answers for her, but just talking to someone who knows what you are going through, is helpful for anyone. Also, I believe I would get something out of the exchange. Every time I talk to (or even hear about) someone who might have first hand experience with how my life has turned out, I feel a little less alone.
K and I were just talking about something like this earlier today. We were in the car going to pick up the kids from a day camp they are in for a couple of weeks. We talked about last night when AJ came into the house for the first time, while I was there.
K bought herself ticket to a musical she really wanted to see and the show was last night. She went with AJ and his daughter. (She asked our older kids and they did not want to go.) AJ came to pick K up, but first his daughter wanted K to do her hair. So they had to come inside.
I been home when the daughter has been here before. I know she is uncomfortable around me and I don't blame her. She is 15 and for most of her life, her mother was very sick and about 18 months ago, passed away. She is very much hoping this thing with AJ and K works out. While she was here, I said something, and I can't remember exactly what it was, but I remember she gave me a funny look. I did not think much about it at the time. AJ came in the house too and we exchanged a little small talk. K quickly finished the hair and they were off.
What made me think of that was when we (K and I) talking about her feelings for AJ, I jokingly asked if she was sure he was straight. She assured me he was and then said, "I think you creep him out a little."
I paused a moment. I was not sure if it is because I am gay, or because I am still married to K and we continue to life together in the same house. It is probably a little of both. He is a pretty conservative guy on most topics, but has a "live and let live" attitude about gays. I suspect he does not personally know any gay people.
K pointed out that this situation is new for them. (It's new for us too!!) Both AJ and daughter know divorced couples. Most of them can't stand each other, fight all the time and some have been very messy. With K and I remaining close, it is a very unusual situation indeed.
I know this will take time. It might even take even years, but I am sure it will happen.
Who would thought when I started this blog 11 months ago, I would have such an optimistic outlook. It feels pretty good.