Sunday, June 6, 2010

Study From the Closet

This used to be me.

In some regard it still is, but to a lesser extent

For years I pretended to be straight, but at the same time, if I ever saw anyone I thought might be gay, I would study them intently.  I remember, years ago, seeing 2 guys in the grocery store that I was sure were a gay couple.  I don't remember what made me think that  they were more than just 2 guys the needed food, but I was sure they were a couple.

I watched them as closely as I could without getting caught.  As they went up and down each aisle, so did I, but in the opposite direction.  I wanted to be in a position where I could see there faces.  I wanted to see how they looked at each other and how they interacted.

I was fascinated by these people.

Now I am part of a gay couple, well, sort of anyway.  (That is a topic for another post)

T has a large coy pond at his house and he needs to change the water.  So last night (Friday) on our date he asked if I minded stopping at the near by Lowe's to buy a utility pump.  We go in together, we do not see them with the fountains, so we head over to plumbing and sump pumps and we find what we are looking for.  I carried his pump, he paid for it and I put it in the trunk of my car. 

We were in the store about 15 or 20 minutes.  We walked across the length of the store. Asked for help from some store employees.  Discussed the various pump options  I wonder if there was a guy deep in his own closet watching us.  


Cubby said...

Oh, this is very interesting! When Greg and I got together and we started grocery shopping together, I was nervous people would identify us as a gay couple and be waiting for us with lead pipes out in the parking lot. After a few trips to the supermarket I got over that irrational fear.

It seems so ridiculous now, but that's how it was for me back in the 90s. Greg was my first (and only) domestic partner and I just didn't have any experience to draw on. Maybe if I would have spent time trying to study other couples I would have known better.

It's funny the way things evolve. Nowadays it is important to me that when we go out it is fairly clear to everyone around that we are a gay couple.

Sometimes I may see a guy studying us. My first reaction is to be prepared to defend us in case he is a gay-basher. But now I'll consider the possibility that he is a gay man coming to terms with his sexuality and trying to learn through observation.

manxxman said...

Oh the longing back then. Yes I used to watch any "couple" I thought might be gay......envy.