Monday, June 7, 2010

Trip to the County Fair

So I have this friend.  I use the term "friend" in the broadest sense when I am talking about him.  Let's call him "SD".  

SD, his wife and 3 kids lived a few houses down from me.  We had been in the neighbor hood for a couple of years when they built their house and moved in.  The first time I met him I knew he was gay.  He is the kind of gay that gay stereotypes are made of.  

Anyway we (K & I) became friends with him and his wife.  Their kids played with our kids.  The would come over and play cards on weekends.  We would cook out together.  It was nice for about 3 years.

Then one afternoon, SD's wife stopped over and told us she was moving out with the kids.  She had rented a house and would be out by the end of the week.  They were ending their 10 year marriage.  At first she would not say why, only that it was the right thing to do and they would remain friends.  That did not last long, like 2 days before she went crazy and outed SD to everyone.  She told anyone that was not moving fast enough to get out of the way.  It was an ugly mess and unfortunately their kids suffered for a couple of years as they found themselves in the middle.

Fast forward 3 years.

SD has been officially divorced almost 2 years.  The ex wife has a new boyfriend.  Her and SD share custody of the kids, but they are not friendly with each other.  They have reached an equilibrium point of mutual loathing.  The only really good news it they have figured out how to stop putting the kids in the middle and they are now reasonably well adjusted.

SD, though is kind of a mess.  At least my my standards he is.  Don't get me wrong, he is a good guy, he's fun to hang out with most of the time.  He works a lot of odd shifts so I don't see him very often.  When I do see him, it is usually for a short time, about an hour and then I have had enough and I leave.

He is kind of a slut.  He finds men on Craigslist and sometimes answers the more risky ads.  He was seeing this guy and it was going well enough that he was living with the guy on the weeks he did not have his kids.  I found out tonight they broke up.  Not enough in common, he said.  While he was seeing him, I know he was still meeting up with other guys from online.  Not cool.

You might think this guy is a sleaze ball, why would you want to have any contact with him at all.  There are a few reasons why I like to keep in contact with him.  First he is the only person I know, who is local, that was married, has kids and has come out of the closet.  Aside from his sluttiness, he seems to have successfully come out and is generally happy with himself.  He is also out to the old 2 of this 3 kids.  I am always asking about how they are adjusting to that idea.  He says they are fine with it.  I think they may be more stressed that he is letting, so I ask a lot of "clarifying" questions.

He is not the kind of person I would normally hang out with and we have very little in common aside from having been married with kids.  Because that experience is similar to mine I am reluctant to cut off contact with him.

The other reason I like to see him once in a while, is to remind myself what not to do.  I have seen him over the years, not put his kids first, where they belong.  Often when it is his time with the kids he will drop them off at his mother's house and go out for the night, or sometimes the weekend.  He is very caught up in the gay lifestyle.  He likes to have nice things, but he really can't afford them.  He get's them anyway and I know most of it is on credit.

I don't see him that often, maybe once ever other month.  Usually late in the evening after I get my kids to bed and after his are asleep too. I rarely stay with him more than an hour.  Just enough to catch up on his life, hear about his escapades, which I listen to with some interest, and hear him trash talk his ex wife.  That is about all I can take.

Tonight I stopped over his house.  Kids in bed, had to keep it down so not to wake them.  We talked for a while.  He told me about his break up.  The married, black bodybuilder he met on-line earlier this evening who very eager to train SD at the gym.  Sometimes I get dirt on the ex wife, which is always fun. 

After about an hour, right on schedule, I was tired of him for this visit.  I thanked him for the soda and headed out to my car. 

I wonder if I go see him for the same reason that people watch Jerry Springer.  If you ever feel bad about yourself and need to prove to yourself that you are not a messed up as you think you are, just flop on Springer and you will see people WAY more messed up than you.  I sure feel better about myself now.

It also reinforced something else.  While I am not part of the gay scene, and I probably never will be, I do have something much more important.  I have T.  He loves me very much and I love him back.

SD does not have that, and the way he is going, he may not find it.

1 comment:

manxxman said...

It's a sad post.....makes one want to reach out to SD and give him a hug and tell him to relax.....that man is out can have love in your life.