Friday, November 18, 2011

In The Dark Days

The strength of a relationship, in my view, is not how much fun you have together.  It's not how much sex you have.  It's not how many vacations you take together.  It's not how things play out in the good times.  Any two people can get together and stay together when everything is good.  When everyone is happy and there is no stress, relationships can appear to flourish.

During the time that K and I were married, we had many good times.  We also had many bad times.  If I look at the strength of our relationship today, I really believe it is the bond that was forged by going through the bad time together that really binds us today.  It is why we will continue to have a strong bond forever despite all that has happened in the past three and a half years.

T and I met 3 years, 7 months and 19 days ago.  In that time I have:

  • come out to my wife
  • come out to my parents and sister
  • come out to K's parents and family
  • broke up with T 4 or 5 times
  • decided to end my marriage
  • decided to re-commit to my marriage
  • decided to end my marriage
  • worked for an orderly end of my marriage (this took a long time)
  • almost started seeing someone else
  • lost my job
  • saw my kids move out of my house
  • enrolled in school full time
All the while, T was there for me.  At every step, even the points where we broke up, he was there for me.  He always has been a phone call away with the calm and steady perspective.

But the point is, he has been together with me the whole time.  I know that sooner of later we will be together in the way I dream about.  It will not happen anytime soon, but I know it will happen.  When it does, we will have forged the kind of bond that will last forever.  The type of bond can only be forged by dealing with the bad times together.


Beartoast said...

half the things on your list could add enough stress to break most anyone.

And yet, you have survived, thrived, lasted through it. There will be mourning and grieving to do. It will come, and go.

Hang in. Prayers ascend.

TwoLives said...

Maybe you should print this post out and keep it handy.

It's not that you'll ever forget how fantastically supportive T has been, it's just that you should remember it as often as possible, especially when those dark days happen.

T said...

Hmmm...WE didn't break up. YOU broke up with me every time you wanted to go back to your wife...about 4 time? :) But I understood. THEN, you broke up with me for someone who might have been able to live with you. I also understood. :))) are going to PAY...FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!


cum.lover said...

T has such a fabulous sense of humor! He's a keeper!