Friday, November 4, 2011

Ten Days and a Murky Future

In ten days my divorce will be final.  K has opened a bank account in her name alone and she is asking me about taking her name of the 2 joint accounts we have.  It turns out it is a lot easier to close those accounts rather than change them.  K think she wishes there was an easy way for me to take her name off the house too.

Again, another indication of the change that is ongoing.  

Here is another thing.  Tomorrow we have an appointment at church to get our picture taken for the church directory.  Actually we have 2 appointments.  One for her and the kids to be listed at her address and another one for me at my address.  I am not really thrilled about that, me being in the directory all by myself with K surrounded by the kids.  Sigh.  I guess it was inevitable, after all, I am single now, right?

I am living my life one day at a time right now.  I have hear some people say that is a good thing to do.  I don't think so.  I think you have to have a vision for the future.  You have to know where you are going or there is really no point in getting out of bed in the morning.  Right now, I have no clear destination.  I don't know if I will have a job or if I am going back to school.  I don't know if I will keep my house and live alone or with a roommate.  I am not even sure that I will keep my house at all.  Even if I get a job and can afford the house, do I really need a 4 bedroom house for just me?  

Living one day a time is really taking a toll on me.  I am trying to stay positive most of the time, but it's harder and harder all the time.

On another note, I have heard from several readers recently, both in comments and through direct e-mail that they have found this blog to be helpful for them.  The example of K and I has given them hope that they can have a positive relationship once the stress of coming out is past.  I makes me feel good that people that I can be helpful.  Other blogs were so helpful for me when I was in the "dark days".  I am glad for the chance to pay it forward.


T said...

If I were by myself, you'd be living with me already. Hang in there, my Gay Sapien love.

Adam said...

I've been through all this too, Jim, and I've come out stronger and healthier on the other side. The time around my divorce was dark and painful, but going through it helped me clarify issues and set a path for the future. Hang in there, friend. Don't let the darkness get you down.

Uncutplus said...

Jim, I agree that it would be easier for you to close the joint bank accounts and open new ones in just your name. That is what I did. Also, your divorce attorney should be able to file a "quit-claim deed" in which K would give up ownership in your house. My ex-wife and I did that on a couple of joint-owned properties. Like you, I had an amicable divorce in which it was easy to work these matters out.

Unless you would have to pay a lot of capital gains taxes on selling your home, you might consider going ahead and selling it and deciding to rent an apartment for a while as you sort out your life. You could get a couple of extra bedrooms for your visiting kids and you could locate your apartment nearer to T, so that it would be easier to be with him and him with you. Or a location that would be nearer to school when that starts so that you would not have such a long commute.

I have no advice about the pictures in the church directory as that does seem like a very awkward situation. If it were me, I probably would not show up for my picture.

Best of luck to you in these decision making days.

Anonymous said...

Letting go and living one day at a time, doesn't mean you don't have a vision for the future. Visions are healthy, they are good. Letting go and living one day at a time, means accepting the possibilites of change, and acknowledging that your life is supposed to take this turn or corner. Life will lead you in the direction that you are supposed to go, work or school, moving or not moving. Be open to it. I am working on this right now myslef. I think I have figured this out. Let go, Let God, and Let Life. When we try to control our journey, we don't always end up where we are supposed to be. I let Jerry clean the bathroom and make dinner. This was me giving up control and living one day at a time. It was also Jerry tryoing to become more Independent. Thank you for your words of encouragment!