I am going to get part of my dream to come true today. Those who have been following me for a while know that I have certain visions that mean success. I have written before about one of them. Thanksgiving dinner. K and I talked about the ideal outcome of our transition and spending Thanksgiving dinner together as a new family. With T and K and AJ, my kids, all sitting down together go give thanks for all the good things in our lives.
My reality is not going quiet as well. K knew what time I had to leave to have dinner with T and his family. I am not sure she did it intentionally, but she dragged her feet on getting her turkey in the oven so I am very close to having to choose between having Thanksgiving dinner with my kids or my boyfriend. I could have easily had both if she had not taken so long. Fortunately, I told K, T's family was eating at 6:00, when they are actually eating at 7:00. That will save me today.
Am I upset about it? Not really. After all, most of what I have been dreaming about is going to come true. K and I still have a really good relationship, even though we are officially divorced. (There really has been no change). I am thankful for that. A negative relationship would be bad for me, but it would also make it much harder for the kids.
I am thankful. I am thankful I have been able to transition from frustrated closeted gay who was terrified to be who he really is, to being comfortable gay dad with a boyfriend henis deeply (and openly) in love with. I am thankful my kids have taken the transition with little or no negative impact. I am VERY thankful I have found a man who loves me in spite of all my faults and flaws. I am not so thankful I don't have a job, but I am thankful that I have a good direction and support to help me get there.
I am thankful for this blog, the people who read it, and especially the people who comment to offer their love and support.
All and all I have a pretty good life. I know there are a lot of people who have it WAY worse than me. I also know I am on a good path and things will only get better. I'm thankful for that too.
2 comments:
Jim
You have been brave in pursuing your new life, especially as you are the father of kids at home and this is such a huge damper on men like you coming out. I wish you well in all this - I am not sure I have it in me yet to be that out as you are, and have no kids at home to be an excuse.
We get very used to what we have with all its flaws and it takes real internal push to do what you have done. You should give yourselves additional thanks for having whatever it took to make this enormous life change young enough to go forward and form a new adult identity, and give your wife time to also heal and form her own new relationship.
It's great to see that you have so many things to be thankful for, and that you acknowledge those blessings.
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