We talked about it again last night.
Yesterday I had a stressful day at work and I was feeling very depressed. When K got home she talked to me for a while about my work issues and then I mentioned that my issues at home were also part of the problem.
"If you would just decide what you want to do, that part of your stress would go away." she said. I was not so sure that was true. I don't think living on my own would make things better for me. The truth is aside from K and T I have very few friends. I will be very lonely.
There a several blogs I follow. Most of the guys who have left their marriages have found a way to be happy most of the time. What they all seem to have in common is lots of friends for support. I don't have that. It's not that I am completely without support. Since coming out I have gotten a lot closer to my younger sister (my only sibling) and I talk to her from time to time. She lives 800 miles away, so the support she can offer is limited. My parents are supportive, but my father is in poor health and I really don't want to burden them with my problems.
As supportive as they are, like most straight people, even thought they try, they do not have a frame of reference to give me advice.
The other friends I do have, do not know I'm gay. I don't know how they will react when they find out. It would be one thing if I was 20, but being 40 and having been married for 16 years. I guess that's for another post.
Back to K and the lesbians. As we talked last night I told her that I thought I would be sad a lonely living with lesbians. She told me we could try to find fun lesbians, with a chuckle. I smiled and I'm glad that she is still able to joke about it. She has a friend she was very close to in college and this friend was in the closet in college and is not mostly open. They have lost touch with each other over the years and now thanks to the magic of Facebook they have sort of re-connected. The point is this friend is a lot of fun. I met her several times and she is really a hoot. K thought that maybe I could find lesbians like her.