Tuesday, September 22, 2009

No time for me, or anyone else

I sometimes envy people who know who they are and where they are going. I have been struggling with this for a long time. Yes, I know I am gay, and I have come to terms with that (in my head anyway). I still live what is basically a straight life. Even that sounds funny. I know that being gay is more that just having sex with men, it's about what is going on inside my head. It the attraction I feel for men, it's about wanting to be with men and sharing a life

But I am living a straight life so it's hard to grasp my identity as a gay man. I feel so conflicted. Living between two worlds, but not fully in either one. In an eternal limbo. Who am I? Where do I fit in?

It hard to to figure that all when you have no time. I really don't have time to be writing this but I am addicted to this blogging thing. My job has filled up with a lot of stuff. I have been bringing work home every night. K works every evening and she does not get home until I get the kids to bed. By then we are both tired. We have not had a real talk about anything in a long time.

All I really know is that neither one of is very happy right now.


Brent said...

I don't even need to blog anymore, your's cover's my feelings very well. You are not alone.

manxxman said...

To be honest there really isn't that much difference between and "gay" and a "straight" life. Living "gay" has just allowed me to be more comfortable with who I am. A lot of the anxiety that I experienced when I was "married" has disappeared. That doesn't mean life is any easier but for me it's a lot less anxious.

One more thing I would like you to think about is to stop trying to be "happy" and instead become more "content".....it's so much easier.

jim said...

Thanks Brent. Maybe we could alternate posting days to save time. LOL!!