I have a very simple dream for T and I. I want us to be together. I want us to be inseparable partners. I want people to think about us as a unit. "Oh, let's invite T and Jim to the BBQ" people will say. If someone who knows us spots one of us out alone, they will ask where the other one is. It's that simple. Anyone who has been married knows what I am talking about.
I want all of that with T right now.
But when I bump my dream up against the reality of both his situation and mine, I know that it is not going to happen now, but probably in the future. But sometimes wen I think about the time it will take, I feel stressed. I feel anxious. I know that T hates it when I get all dramatic.
Tonight I was at his house with my 2 youngest kids and a whole bunch of T's relatives. (including kids about the same age as my kids.)
My daughter and I spent some time feeding the fish in the Koi pond. T sat down with me and my daughter went on a tour of the garden with one of the older nieces. He could tell I had something on my mind and asked what it was.
I mentioned that I was thinking that I wanted to have some alone time with him. I am going to be out of town most of next week so I won't get to see him then at all.
"But this is your dream too, right?" T asked me referring to me being together with his family and my family.
He was right. And I think even though I had just written about it, I had already forgotten what a big step for his family that I would be there at all.
It was at that moment that I realized that patience is in order. I needed to take stock in the progress we were making and the fact that it seems to be acceleration. (His mom sent me home with a ton of leftover food including that salty lemonade I like.
In the end, I had a good night. The kids had a blast and were well behaved.
As I write this I am falling asleep at my keyboard so please forgive me if there are more typos than usual.
I am gay man in his 40's who was married for 18 years to a straight woman, who is still my very best friend. We have 4 children together. She is now remarried and we still want to be supportive of each other and make a stable family for our kids.
Cast of Characters
Jim: That's me
K: The wonderful woman I married in 1993. We divorced in November 2011, and she is still my best friend.
T: My ex-boyfriend. We were together from 2008 to 2013. He is still an important person in my life.
AJ: K's new husband. They got married December 2011.
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