Thursday, June 9, 2011

Working Out the Details

I am getting more and more comfortable with the idea that K and I will be divorced soon.  I am looking around my house and thinking about the things I will change when she and kids are moved out.

The first thing is I will be moving back into the master bedroom.  After all I do pay the friggin mortgage, and I am sleeping in one of the smaller bedrooms.  The worst part of my current situation is I have to walk all the way down the hall to use the bathroom at night.

This morning I got a copy of the official complaint that my lawyer will file at the courthouse.  I am listed as the plaintiff and K is listed as the defendant.  (She called me and joked that she was not happy about that...)  I also got a worksheet that we have to fill out that will tell the lawyer how to list the distribution of property.  

We are agreed on most everything already, we just need to write it down.   Since I will be staying in the house and will have to pay for it myself, I worked out a budget for myself, including money I will put toward the support of the kids and cash I will pay to her for the kids.  I am not paying her alimony and she has not asked for it.  I told her that I might be able to skimp on some things and giver her more, but she told me that, "you have to live too." which I thought was nice.

What we did not get from is something to work out custody of the kids.  If we have agreed to 50/50 custody, even thought they will mostly live with her, do we still have to mess with paperwork?  If we do nothing, is joint custody assumed? 

The truth is, just like she trusts me not to screw her financially, I trust that she will not screw me with respect to the kids.  (It helps that I know she is very scared that the kids will blame her for the divorce.)   I will ask more questions of the lawyer on that later.

If we can get all our information quickly, I could be a single man by the end of the summer.  K will be a single woman.  AJ is waiting for the divorce to be final before he pops the question to K, even though he has already purchased a ring so her singly life will likely be short lived.

Tonight I drove to T's house for a little while.  Once of the nice things about the summer time, is that even if I cannot get to T's house until the early evening, it is still day light.  I took this picture of his Koi pond.  We sat next to the water tonight and as he fed the fish, I listened to the sound of the waterfall.  As the sun was setting, I kept thinking, how much I wanted to be with him.


TwoLives said...

I know that you have a family reunion at the end of the summer and that you were thinking of coming out to the kids before then.

Now that it seems K will be getting engaged immediately, she really is at risk of looking bad in the kids' eyes. If they don't know about you, it will appear that you split so that K could marry AJ.

In fairness to K, you might consider coming out to the kids before she announces her engagement.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree - when I came out to my kids before xmas it was obviously hard - but in reality it was easy - it helped them make sense of it all & the older one helped the younger - everyone very quickly got used to having a gay dad. Recently my kids just met the guy I am dating - knowing that he is my's important that this also gets taken care of in your life - it really is better to get it over and done with & now with school out - they have time to get used to it & not deal with school social sigma issues.

Nick, Fort Wayne, IN

Anonymous said...

It seems you are ready to plan all after-divorce stuff.
It's a good idea to come out to your kids sooner than later. with that step taken you can decide your future better.
And about the custody thing, it's better to have everything on paper. (that's what we did in the same situation and it really helped avoiding things getting nasty!)Things change and so do the feelings.
wish you luck with whatever you decide

RB said...

Definitely put things on paper. Things change.

You are very lucky. This is the easiest divorce I've ever heard of. Probably the fact that she's falling right into the arms of another guy helps.