Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Free Advice

I don't like to give advice.  I will frequently tell people what I think about something, but I rarely will tell someone what I think they should do.  Also I don't usually give advise to other bloggers.  

Today. I am going to make an exception.

My blogger friend Cameron has been struggling for a long time, like a lot of us.  He is gay, but  desperately wants a normal straight marriage with his wife.  I can't say I blame him.  It was not  long ago that I still longed to go back to the "normal" days when K and I were both certain that we would be together forever.  Back to the days when we presented as a normal couple.  It was easy for us to do too.  After all we really got along well.  We still do.

Cameron and his wife are in a cycle.  A cycle I know all too well.

They are circling.  Well, Cameron is anyway.  I think he needs to accept that he is gay and cannot be successfully be married to a straight woman.  I could be wrong, but the odds are not in  his favor under the best circumstances.  He is not in the best circumstances.  His wife is not really supportive.  She is not comfortable with him being gay (the ewww factor).  And it is clear their relationship is dysfunctional on several levels.

Now, this is not a criticism.  It really isn't.  It's not his fault that things have worked out this way and I can't blame him for wanting to go back to what is comfortable.   I know as well as anyone, how easy it is to get caught in the swirl.  Then once you are stuck there, it is VERY hard to break away.

For him, my advise is the same as T has told me about many other topics.  "You have to accept it."  He has to accept the fact that things are probably never going back to what they were.  Once that is done, he can decide where the rest of his life is going.

If he does not, I worry that he will circle forever.

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