Sunday, September 20, 2009

Getting straight (...sort of...)

I have to talk to T, and soon. I'm not looking forward to it.

Even since I got back from vacation in August, it has been hard for me to talk to him. After disastrous lunch we had on Thursday, it has become more and more clear where I fit into his life. I know I'm a little hypocritical since i put my kids and to a large extent K has been in front of him.

I think this is different because my kids are minors, and his family is all adults. K is not in a position to support herself, and all his family is well educated and highly paid in their jobs.

Aside from all that, I am working out if/how/when to move out of my house and separate from K and my family. There is a lot going on in my head and I have a hard time making time for work, much less anything else.

He feels neglected and I really don't blame him. If I was him, I would feel that way. But I need to get myself straight (in a manner of speaking) before I can be involved with anyone else. Right now my head is such a mess, I can barely tell who I am most days. I need to find out who I am, then, and only then, can I look for a man to share my life with.

It's really a wonder that K is still so good to me, considering the mess I am. She thinks I should have given up on T a long time ago.

1 comment:

manxxman said...

Why is it so important to talk to T, I'm sure he's highly aware of how unavailable he is.....and can't expect you to give him any more than he's giving you........maybe it would be easier to send him an email (he does have a "private" email I'm assuming) saying.....friend's that's what we are, we both need to move on.

Well maybe he doesn't because he can't but you definitely need to. I suppose T worked fine for you as long as you didn't really want to move on, but now not only is K telling you you need to move on so is your heart.....forget your mind it will forever be questioning any and every decision you make, but it will follow along.

You're getting there.