Sunday, October 18, 2009


I have said before that K works with youth at a local church. In preparing for her program for tonight she was talking masks. It's duel topic, both for the upcoming Halloween season and they talk about that God can always see who they really are even if they pretend to be someone else.

Apparently the "be yourself" topic is one she covers a lot from different angles with the kids. It struck a cord with me since I have been pretending to be someone else.

I do not pray often. Today I did. I asked for a clear mind. I asked for an open heart. I need to clear my mind and move in the right direction. Maybe moving in any direction will be a good thing.

As K was telling me about the plans for her program tonight, I could not help but think about my prayers this morning. That I need to be myself. That I need to stop pretending to be someone I am not. I need to be a gay man. I need to find a man that will love me and I can love. One that will also understand what it means to have a family (K & kids, kids mostly) that need me to take care of them.

I wonder if that is the clarity I need? Was that the sign that God sent me? Maybe I need to open my heart to the idea that it is.

1 comment:

manxxman said...

Acknowledging to yourself what your needs are (for yourself and others) is a good step forward. Whatever man it is you find to love needs to have a very clear understanding what your needs are. If he's not willing to share at least a part of you with your family he can be Brad Pitt but it won't work.