Friday, December 3, 2010

Do You Really Like Him???

K told me a story last night about and conversation she had while on her cruise with AJ.

This cruise is the first real vacation that either her or I have had without kids in a very long time. Something like 13 years.  Yes, we have each has brief get-aways but not a week long vacation.   So she was telling AJ about our last vacation.

It was in 1997, before kids. K and I took a trip to Las Vegas we flew from Boston to Las Vegas on a red eye leaving around 10PM.  We arrived at about 3am Vegas time which was about 6am for us. On top of that to save my vacation time I had worked the day so we were pretty tired.  But we were also hungry.  All the restaurants in the hotel were closed at that hour, so where do weary travelers go to eat at 3am.  

Denny's, of course.

Anyway she went on to tell him about the highlights of that trip.  Like:

  • After eating at Denny's, K put $20 into a quarter slot machine and won $250.  That paid for the shows we went to.
  • Our vacation package included a trip to Wet & Wild water park.  I was too stupid to wear sun screen (it was August) and I get a really bad sun burn.  We had 2 more days on our trip and I was in a LOT of pain
  • On the flight home (another red eye), K ended up sitting in the middle seat.  She had me and my sunburn that was starting to blister on one side and a mentally challenged man on that other who was drooling on himself.  She was not a happy camper for the 4 hour flight.
Anyway after telling these stories to AJ she was laughing uncontrollably.   Many of the laughs included things I did that were less than smart, like not wearing sun screen in the desert in August.

The way she tells the story, he abruptly stopped laughing.  The K did too.  "After all you have been through with him, do you really still like him?" he asked her, straight-faced.

K has been very up front with him about our relationship.  She has told him how we are best friends and will remain that way, so I think the question took her off guard.  "Of course."   To make a long story short, she assured him that despite all the pain and aggravation that came with me coming to terms with myself, there was still a connection for us.  There was still love and all the good times we had are together still count for something.  Apparently AJ is OK with that, it's just that our situation is so unusual, so outside his experience.  K and I both get that.  Most of her friend think she is crazy for continuing to live here with me.

But it works for us.  

1 comment:

JiM said...

Hey Jim,
Yes for many it is unusual or even strange, because I think it is two adults dealing with reality in a real way. I since that many of those that find it strange fail to really deal with things as they want to, need to, but instead worry more about what others think. M.Scott Peck in one of his books talks about his realizing this when watching parents dealing with kids, we respond to the moment not with what the kid really needs but how we perceive how others want us to. I came out 5 yrs ago, my youngest ( of three boys) just grad from college last spring, we are still married, but living in different states (she is still in our home (been on the market for the last 8 months), I'm still supporting her, she has a BF, so she has moved on in someways but not in others ( facing financial reality, so divorce will not happen till those issues are worked out), I'm partnered, she has visited us, met his family 2x, last time last week for thanksgiving with my youngest son. So yes it is out of the "norm" as far as others expectations of "how" things are, but the reality is very different, we are responding to our life situation the way we need it to happen, not how others think it should go.

so you are not alone, we are not alone, it will work out in the end, our families will be much better off as a result of our willingness to do what is right for us and them.

Best of luck Jim