I'm a gay man who married his best friend and started a family. Now I'm divorced and still trying to come to terms with who I am and what I want in life.
I am pretty handy for a gay guy. I can install a ceiling fan. I can install a dishwasher and a garbage disposal. I can change the brakes pads on my car (disc and drum brakes). I can rebuild a starter motor and change the ball joints on a 1977 Dodge Aspen. I can wire an electrical outlet and install an over-the-stove microwave. Have you seen shoes really cool play sets for the kids? You know the ones with swings, slides and a small tree house? I built one of those too. (No, I did not just assemble the parts. I bought lumber and screws and built it.) I learned most all of this from my dad who was the ultimate handyman in his younger days.
Now, I am not a master craftsman. This spring I will have to pay a guy to put a door on my extra front room so I can use it as a bedroom. I could probably do it myself, but I think it will look better if I have an expert do it.
K usually does the decorating at our house. Yes, I know you would expect the gay guy to do that, but that's for another story. Last week K was getting ready to put the lights on the pine trees that grow in front of the house. She called me at work because the electrical outlook outside the front door was not working. I told how to check the breaker garage and the GFI on outlet. They all checked out.
Yesterday I checked it with a meter and sure enough it is dead. I think the GFI (ground fault interrupt) is bad so the outlet needs to be replaced. Not a difficult task, except I didn't have one. K was out and I had all the kids. I did not want to take them all the Lowe's to buy a replacement. By the time K got back it would be too dark.
I send K and text saying I had checked it and it needed to be replaced. Her response was, "AJ wants to know if you want him to come take a look at it."
WHAT!!??
Now I like AJ just fine, but I am still the man in my house. I can handle a dinky job like that one and I did not need Mr. Wonderful to do it for me. (Does that sound bitchy?)
I politely texted back that I could handle it. She called me. I think she was worried I might think she was suggesting I could not handle this little home repair. "No, no, no" I said. I am sure he was just trying to be helpful.
After thinking about it for a while I should have said yes. After all I can change the oil in my car too, but it is worth $24 to have the guys at Wal-Mart do it for me. Maybe I could have gotten AJ to just do it for me.
I was about to suggest you spend that extra time making me happy...Since you have not yet helped me with the garden, I am going to make you make me bird houses, tree benches, on top of weeding, blowing the leaves, hanging the Christmas lights, trimming the bushes, and...yes, fertilize the plants.
It's funny how territorial we can become, and at the oddest of times, yeah? Yes, you can change the outlet yourself, without breaking a sweat.....but do you want to? Like you said, you could have used the time to make T happy, or do something completely different. But the deal is, its still your house, your castle, YOURS! I totally get it.
What matters is that you are comfortable with your decision to allow AJ's help, or not.
My dear friend Charlie is quite handy, with a "get it done in the fastest, sloppiest way possible" work ethic. I have acquiesced to his help many times but I hate doing it. So, I'm speaking more for myself than you - I'm glad you said no. Even if it would have been easier for you, even if you could have helped T. I suppose it's all about self-image. Being self-reliant is alpha. Who wants to be the beta dog in their own house?
I am gay man in his 40's who was married for 18 years to a straight woman, who is still my very best friend. We have 4 children together. She is now remarried and we still want to be supportive of each other and make a stable family for our kids.
Cast of Characters
Jim: That's me
K: The wonderful woman I married in 1993. We divorced in November 2011, and she is still my best friend.
T: My ex-boyfriend. We were together from 2008 to 2013. He is still an important person in my life.
AJ: K's new husband. They got married December 2011.
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3 comments:
I was about to suggest you spend that extra time making me happy...Since you have not yet helped me with the garden, I am going to make you make me bird houses, tree benches, on top of weeding, blowing the leaves, hanging the Christmas lights, trimming the bushes, and...yes, fertilize the plants.
It's funny how territorial we can become, and at the oddest of times, yeah? Yes, you can change the outlet yourself, without breaking a sweat.....but do you want to? Like you said, you could have used the time to make T happy, or do something completely different. But the deal is, its still your house, your castle, YOURS! I totally get it.
What matters is that you are comfortable with your decision to allow AJ's help, or not.
My dear friend Charlie is quite handy, with a "get it done in the fastest, sloppiest way possible" work ethic. I have acquiesced to his help many times but I hate doing it. So, I'm speaking more for myself than you - I'm glad you said no. Even if it would have been easier for you, even if you could have helped T. I suppose it's all about self-image. Being self-reliant is alpha. Who wants to be the beta dog in their own house?
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