Ugh ... Sigh

Today K and youngest son talked about the relationship she has with AJ.  She told him that they like each other.  He is worried that means she is going to leave.  Apparently he heard from of his friend's divorced parents that adults have to leave to find their happiness.  She assured him that was not this case for her.

One thing that K and I did talk about recently is our living situation.  It is not ideal.  We have a extra room that we used as a play room.  I was sleeping there for about 6 months.  We did not have the money to put a door on this room so it felt like I was essentially sleeping in the hall way.  Now I have moved up to one of the bedrooms upstairs.  The problem is I took over youngest son's room and he is now sharing a large room (the largest one in the house) with his 2 older brothers.  They agreed to this on the condition that in the spring, when I should be getting some bonus money from work, I will be able to have the wall and door built.


But even that is not sustainable.  We need a bigger house.  I am not underwater on my  house, but it will be difficult to sell it for what I need to get for it so I can buy another one.  And there is another one that is PERFECT for us.  It is a 4 bedroom house with and in-law apartment in the basement.  It is newly remodeled and has been on the market for almost 3 years.   The price has come down from the upper end of out price range to what we could comfortably afford.  It's almost like God himself wanted us to move there.  Like he is holding that house for us.  That is, if I can sell the house I have.  I cannot afford 2 mortgage payments.


If we cannot figure out what to do soon, there may come a time when I have to move out of the house.  Now, I expect I will be here all the time, I just won't sleep here.  Neither K or I are thrilled about that plan, but it may be unavoidable.  This house is just not big enough for our current situation in the long run.

I am missing T tonight.  He is doing some family function at his brother's house.  I was not invited and he could not, not go.  Like I said before, I understand it, but it still sucks.  So tonight I am lonely and cranky.  I've had more than a few beers, and now I feel lonely, cranky and sleepy.


To make matters worse, K has gone to AJ's house for the evening.  Maybe the night.  When she left she was not sure if she was going to spend the night with him.  If she does, she will go directly from his house to her job at the church tomorrow morning.  


I am not concerned about her sleeping over there.  I'm really not.  But it is a little like rubbing salt in my lonely wound.  I cannot be with T tonight, but she gets to be with her boyfriend.  So while I am lonely, she gets to be held in the arms of her man.


Dang it!!  I want that too.  It's not her fault of course.  I am not suggesting she should stay home, just because I am, I just wish it was my turn.