Saturday, December 11, 2010

Why I Write

When I started writing this blog I put a site meter on it so I could have an idea of how many people visit. These days I get between 250 and 350 hits a week. About 50 of those hits are me. Probably another 50 are T, my mom and sister. The rest are others who take some interest in my story.

There are a few who regularly comment on my posts. I won't lie, I really enjoy that. Every once in a while I will get a personal email. Once or twice they have criticized me in unkind or unproductive ways. Generally, however, e-mailers tell me that my story has in some way inspired them. Some have been inspired to start their own blogs. Others are impressed in with way K and I have resolved to end our marriage, yet retain our friendship.

With only a few exceptions, I exchange a couple of e-mails and then the communication stops. But there are a few special and rare cases where I get to have a prolonged dialog with someone who "gets" me. Someone who I "get" too. We can relate to each others situation and strangers become friends. While I did not set out to create these types of friendships, I am grateful when they happen.

I am happy some people read my story, but it's not why I write. It started as a way to workout my conflicting emotions as I came to terms with being gay. There is still much of that journey ahead of me. There are lots of loose ends in my head. As I come across these ends I try to tie them up (with varying degrees of success). I have found it is the writing that helps me know what kind of knot to tie. Putting the words down on "paper" helps me gain perspective. Sometimes things that seemed like a big deal at first, don't seem as important when I try to explain them here. Or the opposite it true.

It is the one place I can really be me and say exactly what is on my mind. I don't care if others approve of what I have to say or not. It is just for me anyway.


MiddleMan said...

Jim -

I am one of those you have inspired. I have much respect for who you are and how you have traveled your road. I can only wish that I can follow the same path.

We have emailed each other in the past and you have thrown the rope to help me as much as you can but the reason I have not been able to grab that lifeline is because I am envious of your life. You have your freedom. Your wife is still your friend. You have found love.

You should be proud of what you have accomplished so far and I value highly your advice and will strive to follow your path.

Thank you so much. Keep up the good work you do.

Anonymous said...

less than + 3

TwoLives said...

I have to add my thanks to Middle Man's. What you have uniquely offered is insight into how to handle a usually messy situation with real class. K deserves big props too. I look forward to reading much more as your journey continues.

SC Guy said...


As you well know, dealing honestly with our sexual orientation is one of the toughest things that we may do in our lives. Your story and your willingness to share it, has been very insightful and helpful. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your frienship and willingness to help those are further back on this difficult path.

T said...

You write to avoid doing chores for me. Have you learn to massage yet? My feet are tensed.