Saturday, December 18, 2010

My Love Tank Is Low

Back when K and I were swirling it was difficult for me to get out of the house to see T.   I was lucky if I was able to get out and see him every other week.  At the time I would have liked to see him more, but there was so much crap, it was almost not worth it.  Also, I was so co-dependent with K (and I still am to some extent) that I had so much guilt when I did see him, that it almost sucked all the fun out of the visit.

Through all of this, T stuck by me.  He would occasionally make some noises that he was unhappy, but for the most part, he understood the situation I had and he did his best to make it easy for me.

Gradually, this has gotten better.  Now I am to a point where I see him at least once or twice a week, and sometimes 3 times in a week.   Now that K and I are in a good place, she is now able to better accept the relationship that T and I have.  The fact that she has fallen in love with AJ helps a lot too.

Since I have been able to see so much more, I have gotten used to it.  But this month has been hard for me.  T has visiting family at his house.  These are elderly relatives from out of state.  While they are there, it is more difficult for him to get out since he expected to socialize with them.  What makes it harder is they are her for almost a month!!!  Ugh!!

Of course, on an intellectual level this make perfect sense to me.  If you have family from far away who comes to visit with you, you need to hang out with them.  To just ditch them, is just rude.  On an emotional level, I hate it.  I miss my man and I don't like that I cannot see him.  

Last weekend we got together.  We had a super nice evening even falling asleep in each other's arms.

I am not going to get to see him this weekend.  It's not that I don't have a bunch of things to do to keep me occupied, but really need to re-fill my love tanks.  I need my man fix.

The good news, for me anyway, is his visitors will be leaving on Monday and he will be able to see me more.  YIPPIEEEEE!!

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