Ok so this friend of mine calls me last night and he tells me that he has met a man online that he really likes. Let's call my friend "Hank" and his online interest "Steve"
So Hank has actually been talking to this guy for a while. Maybe once every week or two. He has learned they are very different people with many of the same life experiences. Different personality types with with lots in common.
Anyway, recently they have started talking a lot more often. They have gone from once a week to a couple times a day. Hank's cell phone is clogged with 2 way text communication (good thing he as unlimited texting). With this uptick in communication he has learned even more about Steve and Hank feels like he is becoming emotionally attached, maybe even falling in love.
There is one thing. Steve and Hank live many states apart and they have never met in person.
I tell him, "are you stupid"?
"What are you thinking?"
"How the hell can you fall in love with someone you have never met?"
So we start to talk about it.
Hank tells me that this guy is everything he is looking for. They have common goals for their lives. They both like a lot of the same things. He thinks the differences in their personalties compliment each other and could strengthen a relationship. The other thing is that Steve is considering moving to Hank's state.
But you have never met, I point out. When you are talking to someone on the phone you miss things. There is body language and facial expression that tell you a lot about a person. All those missing parts of communication are missing from his assessment of Steve.
"How do you know what you perceiving over the phone is real and not just wishful thinking or fantasy?"
On top of that he is a 1000 miles away.
Hank tells me that Steve seems to be everything he has dreamed of finding in a man. And he has been looking for a long time, he has not met a man who shares his goals. At least not until now.
He knows how he feels. He is pretty sure he is falling in love.
I am gay man in his 40's who was married for 18 years to a straight woman, who is still my very best friend. We have 4 children together. She is now remarried and we still want to be supportive of each other and make a stable family for our kids.
Cast of Characters
Jim: That's me
K: The wonderful woman I married in 1993. We divorced in November 2011, and she is still my best friend.
T: My ex-boyfriend. We were together from 2008 to 2013. He is still an important person in my life.
AJ: K's new husband. They got married December 2011.
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