Saturday, March 13, 2010

Are You Stupid??

Ok so this friend of mine calls me last night and he tells me that he has met a man online that he really likes.  Let's call my friend "Hank" and his online interest "Steve"

So Hank has actually been talking to this guy for a while.  Maybe once every week or two.  He has learned they are very different people with many of the same life experiences.  Different personality types with with lots in common.

Anyway, recently they have started talking a lot more often.  They have gone from once a week to a couple times a day.  Hank's cell phone is clogged with 2 way text communication (good thing he as unlimited texting).  With this uptick in communication he has learned even more about Steve and Hank feels like he is becoming emotionally attached, maybe even falling in love.

There is one thing.  Steve and Hank live many states apart and they have never met in person.

I tell him, "are you stupid"?

"What are you thinking?"

"How the hell can you fall in love with someone you have never met?"

So we start to talk about it.

Hank tells me that this guy is everything he is looking for.  They have common goals for their lives.  They both like a lot of the same things.  He thinks the differences in their personalties compliment each other and could strengthen a relationship.  The other thing is that Steve is considering moving to Hank's state.

But you have never met, I point out.  When you are talking to someone on the phone you miss things.  There is body language and facial expression that tell you a lot about a person.  All those missing parts of communication are missing from his assessment of Steve.

"How do you know what you perceiving over the phone is real and not just wishful thinking or fantasy?"

On top of that he is a 1000 miles away.

Hank tells me that Steve seems to be everything he has dreamed of finding in a man.  And he has been looking for a long time, he has not met a man who shares his goals.  At least not until now.

He knows how he feels.  He is pretty sure he is falling in love.

So, what should I tell my friend?


Chris said...

How about nothing?

Hank doesn't sound like a dummy. He knows what he knows. Perhaps Steve is Mr. Right, perhaps a first glance of Steve will be "oh no, oh hell no". The further away, the less information, the more the mind fills in the gaps with what we want to think we know.

Hank is a dreamer. Hank has hope. Thank god for people like him. Let it run it's course good, bad or indifferent, he likely doesn't want your opinion, only your support.

Java said...

They need to meet in person before either of them makes plans based solely on the attraction.

Aside from that, there probably isn't anything you can tell him. He's thinking with his heart (or something a bit lower) not his brain.

TwoLives said...

I guess I'm a bit of a devil.

I would be very happy for your friend and I would agree with everything he said. I'd be positive and supportive, as a friend should.

And then I would encourage him to arrange a meeting as soon as possible. Fast, fast, fast. True love should not wait.

Of course I wouldn't be 100% honest when I said those things. Instead my goal would be to help my friend experience reality as soon as possible. Only by meeting face to face and spending some time together can two people truely know if they have a future together. Anything you or he says before an actual meeting happens is speculation or fantasy or both.

I hope you'll update us. "True Love Through Texting" would be quite a love story.

The Lion Queen said...

Often we build pictures in our mind when we chat to a guy. In my experience - most of the times our pictures are greatly exaggerated and we end up being very disappointed.

Hope I'm wrong!