Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Share vs. Experiance

So I am looking, and looking.  

For what?

What is it I am looking for?  

Love, of course.

I had love with T.  Why was that not enough?  He would have been a partner I could have shared my life with, he just would not have lived with me.  "We can still share everything," he would tell me.  How?  In a daily phone call?

Yes, we could share everything that way.  That is when it occurred to me.  I don't want to share life with my man.  I want to EXPERIENCE life with my man.

This is why K and I are as close as we are.  We have experienced 18 years together.  That is something you cannot replicate over the phone or in text messages.  You have to BE THERE with your partner.  You have to be together, physically, not just in your mind or in your heart.

This is important to me and it is something that I will not compromise on.  I need it.  I can compromise on most anything about how I get to be together with my partner, but I must BE with him.  While I love T and I will continue to love him, he has chosen not be my partner.  It is time for me to move on.  I hope I can keep him as my friend.

In the mean time I am finding meeting people to be depressing, but I am trying to remember that making friends is a good thing and I should do it as often as I can.


The Lion Queen said...

I don't think you can go out and look for love. You can go out and meet someone nice that can eventually lead to love.

I'm sure you know that the whole process takes a very long time. To find someone you like who meets your expectations etc... and for them to feel the same way about you and then to build something on top of that foundation is something that takes time and patience.

I'm an optimist and believe that with time and effort these things can be found...but don't think it will happen straight away.

Good luck!



Anonymous said...

It seems to me that you are far from being able to have a partnership. Yet you're asking T to make a commitment to something that you can't offer. It seems he's been there with you through your bad times. I wonder if you have reserved time for him to experience life with you. Just some thoughts. However, if he won't live with you, then you should find someone else. Best of luck.

manxxman said...

Have you ever thought of volunteering at a gay related charity.....who knows you might also meet a guy similar to you that has also volunteered.

Joe said...

Wasn't that in a movie? I can't remember the name but it was so depressing because he found love... who left him for a woman.......
Who knows what can happen in this day and age? Often we find what we are looking for in very unexpected places and in unexpected times. It will happen when it happens and it will happen "in the fullness of time..." Play your cards close, mi amigo....I am....