Monday, March 15, 2010

When it Turns Ugly

So the hope of remaining friends with T is pretty much gone.

We actually went out last Friday night.  I picked him up at his office, we had dinner at a new restaurant and then I brought him home.  It was a nice visit and when it was over I thought we were going to be OK.

I was wrong.

I told T about the Internet Guy I have been talking to (I'm going to have to give him a name) and he jumped to the conclusion that I am in love with Internet Guy and he is the one to be my partner.

I did tell him I was interested in getting to know Internet Guy better, but I was a long way from in love with a man I have never met.  T did not believe me.  Told me I was not being honest.

By the time dinner was over we agreed (I thought) we were both OK.  He needed to find the man that is right for him and I need to find a man that will eventually be my partner.  It was probably for the best that we broke up since what we each wanted from a partner was really incompatible.  Finally we agreed we would work to remain friends, knowing there might be some hard feelings on his part from time to time.

Last night I was online and I saw T was online so I opened a chat window to said hi.   That is where the trouble started.

It turns out that he was not OK.  I was very angry with me.  He feels I kept him around (for what reason I'm not sure) and now that K and I are doing better and I have found the love of my life, I just dumped him.  (Remember he thinks that Internet Guy and me are going to move in together tomorrow or at least next week.)

That is not really the way it happened.

As I posted a while back, he was the one that dumped me.  When we came to the impasse that   I wanted a partner (that lived with me) and he wants a boyfriend that he could go out with on weekends.  I told him then that we could go on the way we are for now, but ultimately I would not be happy growing old alone, with the man I love living elsewhere.   He decided that since I would eventually dump him anyway, that we would just stop being boyfriends and just be friends.

Last night, he feels that is a betrayal.  He is angry and says he just wants to move on.

I asked if he wanted me to leave him alone for a while.  He said yes.  Then I got the text message.  "Good-bye jim"  That is something he has never told me before.

I hope his good-bye is not forever, but I fear it might be.  I really value his friendship.  There is always going to be a place in my heart for him, whether he wants me to be my friend or not.

This is one thing I could not fix and he walked away.


Java said...

Bummer. He sounds a bit messed up about something, not that you could or should do anything about it. Good luck.

So, are there plans to meet this new internet guy?

Jeff said...

Sorry to hear he could not deal with being friends. Maybe he will come around yet once he has the chance to think about it more.

Tom said...

I remember these times.... we gay men should be lesbians sometimes... rent the u-haul and just move in....

Seriously my friend, you have enough on your plate to keep you busy, T's feelings and interpritations should be the least of your concerns...


Anonymous said...

It hurts, I understand being in somewhat of the same place. Unfortunately that last comment of his may be just that...the final strains of the opera fading into the night. However, there is a real future awaiting... it just takes a little "carpe diem" attitude.. and realizing that obstacles are only puzzles waiting to be solved...

TwoLives said...

You're probably in a lose-lose situation---anything you say or do will make T even more angry. Perhaps the best thing to do is let him be for a while. Maybe in a few weeks (or months) he'll be more open to a friendship.

Another (probably bad) option is to send him flowers with a card. On the card write something like "I love you --- but I can't take the heartache of loving you and not living with you.

"You can make a wonderful life for us if only you would open your heart and home to me.

"You're the best and I love you, Jim"

I have no idea if you really do love him the same way you did a month ago. I have assumed you do. The flowers with the note are the thrown-down gauntlet that challenges him to change his limitations and prove that he really wants to be with you. It forces him to either take action or accept the blame for the relationship's failure.

That's the theory any way...

The Lion Queen said...

It sounds a bit to me like he doesn't really want you, but he doesn't want anyone else to want you either. A tricky situation indeed.

manxxman said...

I agree with Lion Queen. He wants you on his terms.........and got angry when you deemed to move on.

Sad but he can't control you without giving of himself as well.