Like a lot of people, I often dream about things I will never have.
I sometimes pick up a boating magazine in the book store. I like to look at the pictures of the big motor yachts. Of course, there is no way in hell I could ever afford one. While it is fun to dream about, I long ago accepted the fact, I will never own a large motor yacht. And probably not a small one either. It's simply not for me.
I see ads on TV for fancy vacation destinations. I would like to go there some day, but I really can't afford it. With kids it becomes even more expensive and out of reach. I have accepted that these fancy vacation destinations are simply not for me.
I would love to own a Jaguar or a Lamborghini. Maybe even a Lexus. But I can't afford them and even if I could, there are probably better places to spend my money than on fancy cars. These things are simply not for me.
When I was younger I always wanted to let my hair grow long. But either my parents or my bosses objected to it. So even though I liked long hair and I wanted to grow it out. I had to accept that long hair was simply not for me.
I have seen gay couples in my travels. Even if they are not holding hands you can tell they are a couple by how they interact with each other. I have read stories and blogs from gay couples who are living their lives as their hearts guide them to. Because I have made the decision that, even though I had strong attraction to men, I wan not going to be gay. (Remember I used to thing that being gay was all about the act of having sex with men.) So at that time I accepted the fact that even though I wanted to have a relationship with a man, it was not for me.
So the past few days I have been writing about the fantasies in my head. These are some of the things I desire to have in my life. I find myself thinking about it more and more. I am thinking, maybe it IS for me. Maybe I can have that life. Maybe it is not too late for me. Maybe I can follow my heart. Maybe I can have the life that other gay men have. To know the love of a man and to love that man in return. To have a commitment and to experience life together.
Maybe it is for me.
Wednesday Morning Male Beauty - Pt 1
11 minutes ago