There is a stillness in my life now.
Much of the swirl in my head is gone. Not all, but enough that I have taken note of the relative calm.
I have accepted who I am and, for now, what direction my life must take. I still have some stress about how my direction will effect the ones I love around me, but I am not constantly worrying like I was before.
K has ups and downs. I'm starting to feel she will be OK. She is having highs and lows, and I am supporting her as much as I can. I think she is reaching a point where she is afraid she will be alone.
At the end of today, T will have been silent for 7 days. I have see him online, but I have not reached out to him and he has not reached out to me. I am sorry that this has turned out the way it has. I wish we could have remained friends. Maybe someday down the road.
I was debating sending him sort of a goodbye e-mail, to let him know the door of friendship would always be open to him, no matter how long he is angry. But I have not done it, yet. I talked about it with Mr. Emerging Identity, and he thinks I should not bother. He thinks it will not help and it really is his (T's) problem anyway. I am still thinking about and may still do it. On the other hand, the longer he remains silent, the more the desire to reach out to him.
I have been talking a LOT to Internet Guy. It has been just about a month since i have been talking to him seriously and every day I wish he was closer to me. I am wonder if taking to him more has been a catalyst for the calmness I have been feeling. I think he is.
We have talked a lot, about everything. I know it's not good to compare people, but Internet Guy and I have talked more in the past month than T and I talked in the past 2 years. And it's not just the quantity of the conversation, it's the quality. In addition to covering a lot of topics, we are really connecting, even thought we have never met. Each time we talk about something new, it turns out we either share it in common or we agree about it. Maybe not everything, but probably 90% of the topics.
It is clear he is having an effect on me. Even K has noticed. I sometimes relay some of the contents of my conversations with IG. The other day she asked me, if he was closer would I pursue a relationship with him. "In a second." was my reply. Yesterday she asks me if IG knew I felt that way. IG and I have talked about it and I told her that too. She had no additional comment. I don't know how she feels about but I decided not to press her on it.
For the moment, I am going to enjoy my new found calm and take pleasure in getting to know IG. Who knows what could happen?
Wednesday Morning Male Beauty - Pt 1
12 minutes ago