Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Playful Dog and Longing Sadness

Last we we got a new dog to replace the one who died last month.  We got a 8 month old boxer cross from a shelter.

Tonight, my youngest son (9 years old) came home from playing at a friends house much later than he is usually allowed to be out.  When he came home, he had a quick snack and I sent him up to bed.  But he sat on the couch and asked me to sit next to him.  Normally I would have reminded him of his bed time and I sent him on his way.  But not tonight.  I decided I would sit with for a while.

I sat down on the couch and he laid with his head on my lap.  He pulled my arm around him.  (He said my arm was like a blanket.)  About that time the new dog started rolling around on the floor with his rawhide bone.  We both laughed watching the dog growling at his own tail.  It was a nice moment that I was able to share with my son. 

"You know, before long you will get older and won't want to snuggle with mom and dad anymore." I said.

"I don't see that happening." he replied without thinking about it.

After a more few minutes the dog was finished clowning and my son got up and headed up stairs to bed.  I could not really decide how I felt.  On the one hand, I felt even more boded with my son.  On the other hand, I knew that before too long he would not be here will with all the time and I will not be there for him to cuddle with.

I exchanged a couple text messages with T.  He pinpointed how I was feeling.

"Anxious and a longing sadness"  That was his official diagnosis.  On many levels he is right.  I do not have a constant sadness.  It comes and goes.  I am hoping that when I am in the house by myself, I will not feel that way all the time.

For now I am going back to bed and hoping to sleep.

1 comment:

the island guy said...

That was very touching. Your son loves you :)