Saturday, July 30, 2011

Some People Complain too Much

K and I and the kids walked through K and AJ's new house.   The siding was up.  There was insulation in the walls, but there is no drywall.  The gas line for her stove was installed and they had replaced the standard tub with the Jacuzzi tub she has always wanted.  

She was very happy about that.  That is where the happiness ended.

She is upset with AJ and her life.  This is typical of her personality, but I find I have a lot less patience for it than I have had in the past.  

Yesterday was the birthday of AJ's late wife.  He put something on Facebook about it that bothered her.  She is not sure that he is truly over his late wife and she does not like feeling second best.  I can't say I blame her, but she knew this was the situation when she got involved with him.   It's a little like if AJ suddenly decided he has a problem with the relationship K and I still have.  It's too late.

She like to plan things.  He is not a planner.  That bugs her.

Tonight they are going out.  He wants to see the new Harry Potter movie.  She does not.  She did not tell him, but she complained to me.

If I was in her situation, I would be so excited that I would not be able to see straight (no pun intended).  I mean, seriously, she spend last night at his house.  She does that several times in an average week.  If I got to spend a couple of nights a week sleeping next to the man I love, I would be so deliriously happy, that nothing else would matter.

If T and I were building a house together and we were expected to move in together in just over a month, with my kids, I would be... well... I don't even know the words to describe how over the top happy I would be.  It would be as if all my dreams were coming true at the same time.

Yet she complains about stupid stuff.  Things that are not, just so.  Not perfect.

I am facing living in my house alone.  Seeing the man I love a couple of times a week.  Seeing my kid after work for a while, but I will not be there to tuck them in at night, every night.  I have no friends to hang out with.

My prospects are a whole lot bleaker than hers and I am a whole lot happier than she is.

I just can't figure it out.


the island guy said...

Good for you for being happy even though you don't have a lot. That's great :)

JustAMike said...

Jim,its been my experience that some people are happiest when they are miserable. Nothing we can do about it.

I think you're on the right track and that's all that really matters.


Buddy Bear said...

My estranged wife is similar: complain, complain, complain. I've long thought that she is incapable of happiness.

As a contrast, your happiness shines through in your writing; it is a wonderful quality and one that is very attractive to many.

It must be a bit awkward when K is complaining to you about AJ; she's really being disloyal to him. If their relationship is to be successful, she needs to speak to him directly about her concerns

jim said...

I don't think she is being disloyal. After all, I'm her gay BFF. That's what I'm here for.

T said...

You are redundant in your writing. BFF by itself means gay...LOL. Just kidding. I love my gay Jim. Oops, I'm being redundant, too. Jim, by himself, is gay. Just kidding, again. Jim, by himself, doesn't look gay at all. Jim + T looks GAY...a White guy and an Asian guy.

Anonymous said...

Don't let her unhappiness get to you. She may not be capable of having happiness. If she's at all like my ex-wife, she may feel a loss of control and when she can't call all the shots, she feels powerless. She has choices, just as you have choices. The difference is you choose happiness, T and a brand new life exploring, celebrating together. Enjoy that journey!

Biki said...

As someone who has had to live in "female-land" this is my take on women. To me it seems like most women enjoy being unhappy. They love to pick and complain, whine and moan, when there really isnt one tiny reason to do so. Let it go in one ear and out the other. She is living in the land of luxury and plenty and cant see the bon-bon's for the candy.

I'm glad you found your happiness, isnt that what life is supposed to be, happy? And we all (hopefully) find our way to happiness before the curtain drops.

Anonymous said...

Enjoy things as you go.
Some people enjoy being unhappy as others mentioned.
But you can't judge K when you and T hasn't gotten where she is with AJ.
Moving in with the guy you love is a happy stressful thing, specially when one or both parties go gay and that's when all hell break loose. :-D
Have fun and be as gay s you can with T! (Be aware of his Confucius too! :D)

RB said...

Lots of women are like this!

Paul said...

Agreed that lots of women like to complain. Your job as the husband is just to listen sympathetically, but not try to solve the problems. I don't think they are necessarily unhappier than us men, but they need to vent and don't hold things in as much. Just my take.