Yesterday I was watching Criss Angle Mindfreak on Netflix with my youngest son. I sent T a test letting him know what I was doing. "Tell him" was his reply. He things I should my son I am gay. "Not now" I tell him.
Later in the evening, I was cutting my middle son's hair. He wanted a buzz cut and I have electric trimmers. "Tell him" was the message I got from T. "Stop" I tell him back. He is starting to stress me out.
I did not mean to make him feel bad, but I know I did. I felt bad about it. I know he was only looking out for me. I know that he wants things to go smoothly. I know he knows that my stress will go away as soon as I tell them. I know he just wants me to feel better about my situation.
I am lucky. I have a man who loves me and looks out for me like he does. I know that he wants things to go well for me and for us.
If I could only get it through my thick head to listen to his advice, I would probably be better off.
3 comments:
I will never give you advice again. If you want advice, talk to my Confucius.
Hi Jim . . . I agonized over the same thing. I have three sons and I didn't tell them for months after I came out to myself and their mother. However, I got some advice from a pastor who is a gay father as well. He told me that we need to tell our kids as soon as we can. He said this was because prejudice has to be learned and we need to teach otherwise.
It also occurred to me that the kids may feel betrayal for me not having trust in them and letting them know (after hearing a story about a single father who hid from his kids that he was dating another woman after divorcing their mother - they felt terribly betrayed when they accidentally found out). I think kids are far more open-minded than you might worry that they are. I think they will love you no matter what because you are still thier father and you love them.
I am so happy that I told my kids when I did.
Best of luck.
Mike
In many ways it's like coming out again and you remember how very difficult that was. But think back on it and how very freeing it was at the same time. Trust that your children love you and that you love them. It's all about growing up, you can't stop that either.
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