But I did wake up with a new attitude. I felt better. Partly because when I woke up I could see that my youngest son was acting normally and getting ready for school as usual.
The I was thinking about 2 things K said last night. One thing made me realize that even thought I identify as a gay man and have fallen in love with a man, I still live a very straight (and safe) life. I go out with T and when we are together I am comfortable with him and being in love with him. Then I come home to K and the kids, climb into bed with her and go to sleep in my straight life.
As changed to my relationship with K happens it is becoming more and more difficult to be in denial about my changing life. About what it will really be like to be divorced from K and living openly as gay.
Moving out of my room and into my own bed is one of those things that is making denial harder. I think I realized that last night, subconsciously anyway. After sleeping on it, I think that is exactly what it is. Now that I can put a name to this, I am not so scared of it.
The other thing K mentioned was that if she did not still care for me, I would not be moving to a room downstairs. I would collecting my belongings from a smoldering pile in the front yard of my house.
I guess, I'm pretty lucky.
1 comment:
Glad things are better since you "slept on it" - albeit on a bumpy bed!
Lucky, indeed!
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