Sunday, May 16, 2010


For most of the last 20 years, I have believed K to my soul mate.  I still think that is true.  I have said before, if I was straight, I am sure that K and I would have been married, happily, together forever.

But I think the fact that I am gay, and that even before I was able to admit it, I needed to think about my feelings for K in a different way.  Deep down, I think I knew I did not feel what I was supposed to feel.

I have heard and read about gay men who feel distant or even resentful toward their wifes.  They feel distant about their wifes.  Unconnected.  Heck I know some straight men who feel unconnected to their wives.

But I am connected to her.  Deeply connected.  I have been for a long time.  I am pretty sure she is just as connected to me.  I really hope it stays that way.

Over the past week K and I have been talking about her evolving relationship with AJ.  I am not going to discuss that here, except to say that she is happy with how it is working out for both of them.  I am happy that she is happy.  I am happy that he is treating her correctly.  And I am happy that, at least for now, she says he is not worried about the close relationship that K and I still have and will continue to have.

The fact that she is telling me things that she probably would not tell her best girl friend.  Considering that we are still (technically) married and 6 months ago I was worried we were descending into bitterness, her telling me intimate details makes me feel pretty good.  It helps me know she is still connected to me.

But, can a gay man and a straight woman be soul-mates?  Did that end when I revealed I was in love with someone else or she she stopped being in love with me?  Should AJ be her new soul-mate and T be mine?  Can you have more than one soul-mate?  Is there such a thing as a soul-mate in the first place?  Is it important?

I think there is a name for the connection that K and I share after all this time.  There is something about us that is not like other couples when the husband comes out.  There is something that still binds us together.

We should probably write a book.

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