Friday, May 21, 2010

Feeling Better

K and I had a good talk the other night.  We got out a lot of stuff.  I feel better about how she feels about me and our friendship.

She still has some hard feelings about my relationship with T.  Not because of him, or me, or even the fact we have a relationship.  But because it was dishonest about it.   Way back, when T and I first met, I lied to her about the nature about our relationship.  This caused a breakdown in trust that she has never quite gotten over.

K is the kind of person who trusts everyone, until she has a reason not to.  Once the trust is gone, it's gone.  There is redemption, but it takes a long time.  It is not a big mistrust, but there is a nagging ... something ... that still bugs her.  Last night, she told me that she realizes that it is her problem to get over.  She will work on it.  

I know she will, T is important to me and she knows that.  I do not need for him and K to be friends, but I need them to be friendly.  I need for them to be comfortable.  It is not about T.  It is about me lying to her.  That is her hang up.  It is not that I am gay.  It is not that I left her for him.  It is just about the dishonesty on my part.  

I do not expect this to be fixed over night, but this is the one last thing I think I need to have worked out.

I chatted online a little bit with Internet Guy.  I had not really talked to him in more than a week and it was nice to talk to catch up.  He has been busy and had some issues to deal with, but things are better now and he was more in a mood to talk.

Going to see T this weekend.  He is mostly moved into his new house, and I have packed my car with everything I need to have a camp fire at his house.  I can't wait to be sitting with him, listening to the crackle of the fire and the frogs in the pond.  Reaching over to hold his hand, I will know that he and I are feeling the same thing.  The same kind love.  I will be who I am.  He will be who he his.  

We will be together.

* sigh *


LivingFiction said...

Glad to hear things are working out with you, K & T.

Have a good weekend!

manxxman said...

I find the things that gets in the way with my ex wife is that I'm a natural people pleaser and our relationship now isn't about pleasing it is about being. That's a lot tougher for me.

Java said...

T is moving into his own house?! Does this mean that the conflicts concerning his family are being resolved? (I may have missed an earlier post in which you discussed this, I don't know.) You sound really good. I hope your weekend is wonderful.